Legendary Joes
by tigerwolfspellbear
Summary: Cobra has targeted Father Time in their latest scheme! Follow the Joes as they try to find out who Father Time is and discover new secrets about their teammates. Included: Fastest way to piss off your girlfriend, love is more confused than you think, and pretzel bending the rules! Au and sort of a crossover.
1. And so it begins

**Disclaimer:** I do not own GI Joe. No one with such a cracked mind should...

* * *

Duke looked at his watch and wondered what was keeping Hawk, Breaker, and Scarlett. They were the last remaining members of the meeting. The rectangular conference table was full, except the head of the table at the back of the room. Those Joes not lucky enough to have a chair were standing around, talking and joking with those seated, or in Clutch's case, narrowly dodging Cover Girl as she kicked at him for something he had said. It was a small blessing that Flint and Beachhead were not arguing, but that might have had something to do with Beachhead being too busy glaring at Clutch. Speaking of which, Deep Six was in a corner, glaring at everyone for being too loud. At least that is what Duke assumed, anyway.

He took a sip of coffee from his cup and continued looking around the room. Along the wall, near the doorway, Snake Eyes was leaning against the corner, sharpening a knife or something. Duke tried to look closer at it, but couldn't really tell what it was for sure from where he was at. Well, other than sharp, probably pointy, and nothing he wanted to meet the business end of, but that was a given. The three apprentices, scattered among the other Joes, were doing likewise. They were missing Storm Shadow, due to Cobra getting their hands on him once again. Duke frowned at that, rubbing the scar on his forearm he had gotten the last time he had tangled with the ninja. It bothered him that they had to fight one of their own again.

The door opened and Hawk finally walked in, flanked by Breaker and Scarlett. Those seated stood up and everyone came to attention.

"At ease," said Hawk, walking to the other side of the room, the two soldiers following him. Everyone relaxed, and those that could, sat down. Once he was at the clear spot, Hawk put his hands on the table and leaned forward. The soldiers became a little less relaxed at this and gave their full attention to the general.

"We have received word of Cobra's latest plan, which is beyond bizarre, even for them. I will leave that to Breaker and Scarlett to explain, however. Breaker, if you would start please?"

Breaker nodded, popping the bubble he had been blowing, before answering, "Yes sir." Everyone's attention shifted to him.

"We first came across this latest plan during routine tapping of Cobra's phone lines. Apparently, Cobra is planning on killing one 'Father Time'. We _assumed_ it was a code name and began looking into emails and other communications to find out the identity of who they are really after. Failure to find out anything resulted in sending our sneaky friend over there," he said, nodding towards the ninja master, "off for files from some of those locations. That information was handed over to Scarlett and Lady Jaye so they could to work their magic."

Heads turned towards Scarlett as she spoke up, continuing the story. "Everything we have gathered continues to refer to the target as 'Father Time'. There is no name or any other descriptions given. There were blue prints among the files Snake Eyes obtained detailing a device that tracks an energy output 'Father Time' supposedly has. Cobra only recently completed it and hasn't been able to find their target yet. With all of the information we were able to gather, the only conclusion we have been able to reach is that Cobra believes there is a real Father Time and is going to try to kill him."

"Our techs are working on making the device in the blue prints. They should have it completed as soon as they get all the components. In the mean time, I want teams looking up everything on Father Time, interviewing experts, and finding out everything we possibly can. Scarlett has a list of experts, libraries, and team assignments," Hawk interjected.

"Right," said Scarlett, nodding at the general. She had a clipboard with her and started reading off names, marking them off as she did. "Duke, Clutch, and Breaker will go to the Library of Congress. Dusty, Deep Six, and Cover Girl will head to the British Library. Flint, Lady Jaye, and Roadblock will speak to Professor Shimpling at the Harvard University Library."

There were several people snorting after she said that and someone even went so far to say, "Sooo obvious who made these teams up." Lady Jaye glared around the room, but otherwise ignored the comment.

"Spirit, Snow Job, and I will be on the fourth team. Beachhead, Shipwreck, and Ripcord will meet Translator Estella Ortega at the Biblioteca Palafoxiana," Scarlett continued.

"Great, stick meh with the fuckin' jokers," Beachhead grumbled.

"Lowlight, Tunnel Rat, and Stalker will visit two of the local libraries; the New York Public Library and Columbia University Library," Scarlett said, checking off the last team on the list.

"Alright, everyone will meet at the motor pool in one hour for your transportation. Any questions?" asked Hawk.

"Yeah, why not let Cobra chase what is clearly a fairy tale?" asked Snow Job.

Several other Joes grumbled or nodded their heads in agreement. Hawk silently agreed with his soldiers in thinking they were going to end up wasting time, but he was hoping it would provide an opportunity to keep Cobra distracted from doing anything seriously harmful and perhaps a chance to get his ninja back. Having him back would greatly improve the morale of his soldiers, most especially the apprentices. He knew they blamed themselves for his recapture.

"It is Cobra's _belief_ that whoever kills Father Time will inherit his powers. I know it sounds silly and unbelievable, but if there is a chance it is real, we can't let Cobra gain the opportunity. The consequences would be devastating," replied Scarlett.

"That is an order, ladies and gentlemen. I want you all to do your best and bring back any scrap of information you can find. Dismissed," said Hawk. The Joes saluted and started filing out of the room.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I had a dream. An off the wall dream that combined The Major, Batou, and Togusa from Ghost in the Shell with GI Joe and the idea of Legendary characters from The Santa Clause 2. The Major was Mother Nature, Snake Eyes was Cupid, and General Colton was Father Time. I have taken out the GiTS stuff, changed some things, and voilà, crack. Thanks to Greentigerr for beta reading.


	2. Into the Mountains

**Disclaimer:** I do not own GI Joe. No one with such a cracked mind should...

* * *

An hour later saw everyone assembled in the motor pool. Stalker, Tunnel Rat, and Lowlight drove off in a Humvee, while the rest of them went out to the airfield, each group separating and going off to one of the waiting aircraft. Scarlett's group was the very last to take off.

"So, where are we headed Scarlett?" Slipstream asked from the pilot's seat.

Scarlett adjusted the headset so she could speak into it. "The Joint Base Lewis-McChord in WashingtonState, Slip." She addressed the other two, "We will be talking to a very reclusive Native American living in the mountains over there. Supposedly he has had actual contact with something similar to Father Time."

"I wondered why you picked Snow Job and me for this," said Spirit.

Snow Job removed his headset and looked out before shaking it and putting it back on his head. "This one has a lot of static," he shouted over the noise of the engine.

"Yeah well, contrary to what some people think, the teams weren't made up willy-nilly," Scarlett said with a huff.

"Maybe not, but everyone knows Lady Jaye had a hand in picking her team," said Slipstream as he started the take off procedure. Snow Job nodded his agreement.

* * *

The sun was setting by the time Slip Stream got them to the base, not that it could be seen once they were under the clouds. Both Spirit and Snow Job had fallen asleep on the way, but Scarlett was still awake, going over her notes. She put them away when they stopped and gently woke them both up. They stretched and stiffly walked out the back of the plane where Slip Stream met them.

"Did you want me to come with you?" he asked.

"No, why don't you just stay here and relax until we get back? We should return by tomorrow evening at the latest and then you can fly us back."

"Sure thing, Scarlett," he said, walking off towards the hangar to get the refueling process underway.

"Hey, do you mind asking them if we could borrow a vehicle while you're there?" Scarlett shouted after him. He waved in response.

"So you said the mountains. How far in are we going?" asked Snow Job.

"We are going in near a small town called Darrington. I know this side of the state has a lot of rain, so there will be plenty of snow up there, but I'm not sure other than that. Our next stop is the Sauk-SuiattleTribalCenter where we will be able to get information on the conditions and get prepared for our hike."

Slip Stream came back with a jeep, putting the vehicle in park, and hopping out. He waved at them on his way to the front of the plane. Scarlett got into the driver's seat and handed Snow Job a map she had drawn their route on, while Spirit settled in the back. He was asleep again before she had even gotten them off the base.

* * *

The sun had finished setting and it had been dark for quite some time when they finally arrived at the tribal center. They got out and quickly hurried into the building, trying to stay as dry as possible. Once in, they slowed down to look at a few of the displays before coming to and stopping at the visitor's desk. The young man there stood up to greet them.

"Welcome to the Sauk-Suiattle Tribe. How may I help you?" he asked excitedly.

"Is Alphonse Smith here?" Scarlett asked.

"Oh, so are you the people here to meet with old man 'Shroom, then?"

"Excuse me?"

"You're the ones here to meet with Snickering Mushroom, yeah?" the receptionist clarified.

An old man walked up and put his hand on the receptionist's right shoulder. "Please forgive young Tripping Bird. He forgets outsiders are not familiar with our names." The receptionist blushed and sat back down. "You are the ones who have come to speak with Blade, correct?" he asked, smiling.

Scarlett nodded.

"Excellent, come this way please," the man said as he gestured towards a set of tables a few feet away. "I am Alphonse Smith. I believe I spoke with you on the phone, young lady?" he introduced himself as they sat down at one of the round wooden tables.

"Scarlett and yes, you did. I appreciate you taking the time to meet with us."

"I do not mind at all and I hope your trip will be worth the trouble. I see you took my advice to heart," he said as he glanced over at Spirit.

"I like to be well prepared, Mr. Smith. This is Spirit and Snow Job," she said, introducing both of her teammates. "Is it possible for Snow Job to get the latest weather and maybe what to expect for our hike tomorrow?"

"Please, call me Alphonse. I know someone who is more informed than I, let me get Tripping Bird to call him over." He raised his voice so the receptionist could hear him. "Tipping Bird, please call Drift Finder and ask him to come to the front." The young man nodded and picked up the phone.

"If I may ask, who is Snickering Mushroom?" Spirit leaned forward, curious.

"That would be Blade. My brother was always a child that laughed at everything. One day, he was in the woods with our father and found some mushrooms, but before my father could stop him, he popped one into his mouth. While treating him, the shaman's apprentice commented that he would probably learn nothing from eating the mushroom and would just laugh it off. The shaman decided Snickering Mushroom would be an appropriate name for him."

"Now everyone just refers to him as old man 'Shroom because they think he's crazy," another man said, walking up to the table.

Alphonse sighed, "Drift Finder is correct, unfortunately. These people are going to visit Blade tomorrow and would like to know what to expect for snow shoeing conditions on the mountain. I believe it was..." he looked over to the man in question, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Snow Job," he said, as he stood up and walked towards Drift Finder. The tall Native met him halfway around the table and the two men shook hands.

"Ah, yes, forgive me. Snow Job is who you need to discuss the conditions with," continued Alphonse.

"Well, if you want to follow me to the planning room, I can go over the best route and tell you what to expect. Old 'Shroom doesn't want to be bothered, so he makes it a challenge to get to him." Snow Job nodded and both men walked down the hallway off to the right of the receptionist's desk.

The trio at the table watched the other two walk away for a moment before Alphonse spoke up again. "I took the liberty of informing the inn down the road that you would be staying the night. They have a few rooms open."

"Thank you. Do you mind showing us around while Drift Finder and Snow Job talk? I wouldn't mind seeing the exhibits you have set up in this lovely center. How about you, Spirit?" asked Scarlett.

"Yes, I would be very interested to see them," answered Spirit.

Alphonse stood up, smiling. "I would be happy to give you a tour." The two Joes stood up as well. "If you would follow me," he said as he started walking towards another hallway.

* * *

True to Alphonse's word, the inn was expecting them and they were able to get two rooms. The staff had been polite and the rooms, while bland and ordinary, were at least clean. The three Joes felt refreshed after a good night's sleep and ready to start the next part of their mission, despite the fact it was still snowing quite a bit. They were discussing the next leg of their trip while eating breakfast at a nearby diner.

"Drift Finder said the snowfall should stay about the same up higher and the biggest challenge will be not deviating from the route," Snow Job said, right before stuffing a forkful of syrup and butter laden waffle into his mouth.

"Where are we getting the snowshoes from?" asked Spirit.

Scarlett took a sip of coffee before answering. "We borrowed them from the tribe. Snow Job put them in the back of the jeep last night while you were talking with Alphonse."

"Have either of you used snowshoes before? _It_ should be part of our cold weather training as often as Cobra puts bases in the arctic," Snow Job said, with a deep frown.

Spirit shook his head no as Scarlett said, "Yes, but it has been a while."

They finished eating and Snow Job stopped to speak with the waitress briefly while the other two went out to the jeep. They left town, ending up on a little used road they followed all the way to its end. They stopped, hopping out and going to the back of the jeep where Snow Job pulled out three pairs of snowshoes, handing a pair to Scarlett, another pair to Spirit, and keeping the third one.

"I didn't realize they looked so much like tennis rackets," commented Spirit as he strapped one on.

Snow Job shrugged as he finished putting both of his on. He pulled out the small map Drift Finder had given him and looked it over. Scarlett walked over to him and looked over his arm at it and he pointed to where they were and where they needed to go. They both looked over to their left and Scarlett sighed. There was a hill at the start of their hike.

"Are you ready to go, Spirit?" she asked. He was walking around behind them trying to get used to the snowshoes.

"Yes," he said, looking up as he finished turning around.

"Alright, we need to get over the hill. I'll start first," said Snow Job.

The other two Joes nodded. Snow Job started up the hill, kicking the toes of the shoes into the snow as he went up. Snow Job reached the top of the hill and turned around to watch the other two. Scarlett had started once he was halfway up the hill and was steadily making her way up, stumbling a little now and then. She was taking her time, making new kick steps for Spirit as she progressed. Spirit was still at the bottom of the hill. Snow Job watched as he tried going up on the steps that Scarlett had created, only to end up tripping. He caught himself before he fell, but ended up sliding back down to the bottom of the hill. He tried again, with similar results.

"Try going up sideways if the other way isn't working for you," said Snow Job, raising his voice so Spirit could hear him.

Spirit nodded, moved to a different spot and started going up sideways. He managed to make it up four or five steps and then slid down, landing on his rear this time. He got up, scowling and brushed himself off.

Scarlett made it to the top of the hill and had looked down it in time to see Spirit fall. "Don't try stopping between each step, you have to keep going," she yelled helpfully once he was standing back up.

Spirit tried again, going up the hill sideways and concentrating on not stopping. He tripped slightly several times on the tails of the shoes, but was finally able to make it to the top. Snow Job clapped him on the back of the shoulder. "It does get easier. The first hill is always a bitch."

They continued snow shoeing into the mountains, mostly going up through wooded areas with light snow. They got lost twice, once in a large clearing and the second time at the base of a cliff. Snow Job had them stop and rest both times while he figured out where they had gotten off track. It was noon when they finally arrived at a dark wooden cabin. It had a large covered porch with a single step leading to a wooden door and a light showing through the curtains of a single window to the right of the door. They looked at each other before stepping up on the porch, Spirit going up to the door to knock on it. They waited several minutes and Spirit knocked again. They heard a loud thump inside and the door finally opened up a crack.

"What do you want?" a voice growled through it.

"We are here to speak to Blade Smith," Spirit said.

"Go away. You tell those _fools_ down at the tribe to stop sending people up here."

"We want to talk to you about your near death experience, Mr. Smith," said Scarlett.

The door opened up a little further and Blade stuck his head out of it. He looked over both Scarlett and Snow Job, scowling deeply, before looking back at Spirit. "I'm done talking. I'm tired of being the crazy man everyone finds to be fascinating. What does it take for you people to get it? I don't have some sort of mental disease! What I saw was real! Now get off my porch!" he said angrily, slamming the door shut.

Spirit knocked again. "Mr. Smith, we just want to hear about what you saw, not to judge you. We are investigating something of a similar nature," he said to the door.

The door cracked open again. "Something of a similar nature? What do you mean?" Blade asked, curious.

"Mr. Smith, if you let us come in, we can explain," said Scarlett.

"Who are you?" Blade narrowed his eyes, suspicious.

"This is Snow Job, Spirit, and-"

"Spirit. Only Spirit may come inside. You _other_ people can stay out here," Blade interrupted Scarlett. He opened the door just enough to let Spirit though. Spirit looked at Scarlett as if to say, "What do you want to do?"

"Go ahead Spirit," sighed Snow Job. "We'll wait out here."

"Snow-"

"Drift Finder said to expect this. We'll just wait out here and drink some warm soup I had the diner pack up for us," Snow Job said, interrupting Scarlett.

"I don't like it, but alright," she said warily.

Spirit walked into the cabin. "Well Mr. Smith-"

"Call me Snickering Mushroom, young man. We use proper names in this tribe!" Blade exclaimed, closing the door.

* * *

**Author's Note:** While the Sauk-Suiattle Tribe is real, the characters and names are not. Any similarities or otherwise is unintentional. I am planning on updating this weekly, so we can keep things moving.


	3. Book Tunneling

**Disclaimer:** I do not own GI Joe.

* * *

Stalker looked out of the window of the Humvee and over the Verrazano-NarrowsBridge that spanned the narrows of the Hudson River. He could see a baseball field and beyond that, the bluish gray waters that led out to the bay. Beside him, Tunnel Rat was driving, taking them to the New York Public Library where they would start their research.

Said man drummed his fingers on the wheel. "So, anyone have any ideas on what to search for? I mean, Father Time, obviously, but I don't think there's gonna be a section on that."

"I was thinking there might be something in Greek or Roman myth. I mean, the concept _is_ pretty old," said Stalker.

"Do you think Chronos was the start of the Father Time concept?" Lowlight asked from the back of the vehicle.

Stalker nodded, "Maybe, it's been a looong time since mythology class, but I don't remember a major Time figure before the ancient Greeks. I was thinking the history and myth sections would be good places to start. The older books in those sections might have hints or clues," he said thoughtfully.

"Hell, we don't even know _what_ we are really looking for. We can look at myths and history, but there isn't a way to tell what is fact and what isn't," Lowlight said while leaning forward.

"No, but I say we look up everything we can on the subject, although the other teams will probably be doing the same," said Stalker.

"I guess that's all we can really do. I don't envy Scarlett or Lady Jaye's jobs in trying to figure it all out," Tunnel Rat said, shaking his head.

"_If_ they can," responded Lowlight. He leaned back into the seat.

Tunnel Rat looked at him through the rearview mirror. "Yeah, maybe Cobra Commander has just completely lost it and we are all chasing nothing."

Lowlight snorted, "Exactly."

"Wouldn't be the first time we've had to follow Cobra on one of their insane goose chases," said Stalker.

"Probably won't be the last," Tunnel Rat sighed.

* * *

They ended up parking a few blocks away and walking to the main entrance of the library. Tunnel Rat paused on the second set of steps. "I've always liked these lions, just something about the way they sit," he commented.

"I didn't think you were into architecture," said Lowlight.

"Just 'cause I'm an expert on underground _architecture_ doesn't mean I don't appreciate the stuff above," he said, rolling his eyes.

Lowlight put his hands up defensively. "Okay, sorry."

"Don't take it wrong, man, but you spend so much time dealing with tunnels, it's hard to think of you being anywhere else," said Stalker.

"Yeah, well, doesn't mean I don't have other hobbies, although, it _is_ hard to beat a good tunnel," Tunnel Rat said. They continued through the main entrance and once inside, consulted the directory, finding both sections they wanted on the second floor. Once there, they went to the main desk where there was a willowy, dark-haired woman working on something on the computer.

"Hey, could you-"

"I'll be with you in a minute," the librarian interrupted, not even looking up from the computer screen. They waited for a couple of minutes, listening to her type. Lowlight walked off a little ways, to look at something that caught his eye. Tunnel Rat started whistling quietly. A look of annoyance crossed the librarian's face. Stalker elbowed Tunnel Rat in the arm.

"Didn't your momma ever teach you to be quiet in the library?" he hissed.

"Nope," Tunnel Rat said grinning.

The librarian finally looked up from the computer screen, focusing on Stalker. "What can I do to help you gentlemen today?" she asked, adjusting her glasses and then folding her hands in front of her on the desk.

"Could you point us in the directions of the myth section, ma'am?" he asked.

"Yeah, and the history section too, please!" Tunnel Rat added.

"Certainly. You just go..." she stopped when she looked at Tunnel Rat. She stood up, half leaning on the desk and pointed a finger at him. "You! Get out! I will not have your shenanigans in my library again!" she said, nearly shouting at him.

"Hey, that was years ago!" he protested.

"I don't care how many years ago it has been. I will not have you building book tunnels a third time in this library!"

"Look, ma'am, my friends and I are just here to do a little research. We'll keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn't do anything," Stalker said, trying to calm the librarian down.

She sat back down with a hmph. "You see to it that he doesn't or so help me, you will be banned from ever setting foot here _again_." She pulled out a brochure like piece of paper, pressing harder with the pen than necessary. "This is where you are, the history section is over here," she said, marking the section. She repeated it for the mythology section and handed the paper to Stalker. Lowlight rejoined them and she looked both of the men over before looking back at Tunnel Rat, narrowing her eyes. "YOU. WILL. PUT. EVERYTHING back where you found it."

"Yes, ma'am, we'll see that he does," Stalker said as he pulled the other two men away from the desk. "Jeeze man, book tunnels? Twice before? For real?" he asked in a hushed voice, still not believing it.

"What did I miss?" asked Lowlight.

Tunnel Rat shrugged, "They were school field trips. I was just trying to make it fun. The thicker books make for nice big tunnels, but you gotta watch out for the static on some of the smoother books. Causes them to slide right off the other books."

"I'll keep that in mind if I ever need to build a tunnel," said Stalker. He shook his head and muttered, "Book tunnels."

"Maybe he should look on the web while we look at the books. Hard to build a tunnel out of that," suggested Lowlight.

"Not a bad idea."

"Hey! I can behave, you know. I've grown up since then, sheesh," Tunnel Rat said, crossing his arms. "Sides, I bet Breaker or Mainframe have already done that."

"Why don't you start on the web anyway? See if you can find anything that we should be looking for in the books. Lowlight, you want the myth or the history section?"

Lowlight shrugged.

"Okay, I'll take the myth section then."

The three men separated and Tunnel Rat headed for the nearest computer. It didn't take long for him to search for Father Time on the internet. There just wasn't that much there. He found a web page devoted to the New Year that had a page on him, a Wikipedia page, and oddly enough, a page on an online dictionary. There were more images of statues and paintings than actual information. He printed off the three pages and went to go find Stalker.

Stalker was sitting at a table near some of the bookshelves. He had a number of books stacked beside him and was reading another. Tunnel Rat sat down across from him and Stalker looked up briefly before returning to the book. "What'd you find out?"

"Not much. Mostly he is associated with Saturn or Chronos. He's an old white dude except at the New Year, when he's a baby or toddler. He has a scythe and an hourglass. The dictionary page has a poem about him and Mother Earth."

Stalker looked up at that, frowning. "What else the dictionary page have?"

"It's a user-created dictionary, so some really weird stuff. Supposedly, he is the spokesman for 2000 Flushes."

"What?"

"Hey, I'm just reading what's on the page," Tunnel Rat said as he waved the paper in the air. Stalker grabbed it from him.

Stalker read out loud, "A Cincinnati nerfer, a college student, a killing machine. In China, possibly Peking duck with lobster. Gee, I'm sure Roadblock would appreciate that," he said, interrupting himself. "Last, but not least, the obligatory sexual reference," he handed the paper back to Tunnel Rat.

"Yeah, like I said, _really_ weird stuff," he sighed and picked up a book from the stack. "Are these all that you could find?"

"Naw, these are just the immediately obvious Greek mythology books."

* * *

It was mid afternoon when Stalker finally got to the last book. He rubbed his eyes, tired from reading so much little print. His entire backside hurt from sitting in the hard wooden chair for so long. He was almost wondering if it wouldn't be more comfortable to be on the PT course in full gear.

Lowlight had finished earlier with the history section and ended up browsing through some of the other sections. He asked the librarians for suggestions and visited the other floors, but still didn't find much. Tunnel Rat had gotten bored halfway through, eyeballing the stacks of books on the table, which had multiplied by then. At one point, he even started stacking them up in two columns. Stalker sent him off to make copies after that. Now the man had his head on the table, arms fanned out, drawing who knew what with his fingers. Stalker sighed as he set the book down and Tunnel Rat looked up at him hopefully.

"Can we break for lunch, _please_? I'm staaarving."

"Yeah, we can break for a short lunch while we head over to the Columbia University Library. There gonna be more pissed off librarians that we should know about?"

"Nope, never been to that library before."

"Good. I really don't want to have that conversation again."

They got up from the table, putting the books back before leaving. The librarian was still there when they walked past the desk and she glared after them, getting up to check the sections once they were gone.

"Where do you guys want to go for lunch?" asked Lowlight as they walked out of the library.

"Drive-thru," replied Stalker.

"Since I'm driving, I get to-"

"Whatever," interrupted Lowlight.

"Yeah, that's fine," said Stalker.

Tunnel Rat picked out a place fairly quickly and they spent several minutes getting food. It only took a couple more minutes on the road to get to another parking garage near the second library.

"So, same deal again?" Tunnel Rat asked, jumping out of the vehicle.

"You can help me with the myths section, make copies for both of us if we need them, but otherwise, yeah," said Stalker. "Might as well stay the same so we will know what is new."

"Why do I gotta be the gopher?" whined Tunnel Rat.

"Book tunnels," said Stalker.

"S'not fair,"Tunnel Rat mumbled, kicking at the ground.

Once in the library, they asked the librarian for directions again. This librarian was much more helpful and polite, even going so far as to point out some books that might be of help to them. She checked up on them periodically to see how they were doing. On the third such occasion, she discovered Tunnel Rat's talent. He was on the floor eyeing a stack of books and nudging one into line with the others.

"What in God's name do you think are you doing?!" she shouted in surprise.

"Building a tunnel out of books and shelves, and uhhh-" Tunnel Rat looked up at her guiltily.

Stalker had come over when he heard the librarian shouting. "You didn't. All I told you to do was to put them away."

"I did, but then I thought they would look better this way."

Stalker dropped his head into one hand and shook them both back and forth a few times. "I can't believe I ended up with you. And Beachhead complained about his group. I bet his group can at least behave in a library. Hell, my kids can behave better," he said, raising his head up.

"How... can... this possibly be safe," the librarian sputtered.

"Cause I built it," Tunnel Rat said proudly.

The librarian regained her composure. "I want it put back. All of it and in the correct order. You will not build anymore of these... these... _things_ while you are here, otherwise none of you will ever be coming back. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, ma'am," said Tunnel Rat, jumping up and saluting.

Stalker gave a long sigh, "Don't worry, ma'am, we won't leave until it's all been put away and I'll try to keep him busier so he doesn't do it again."

She nodded at Stalker and went to look for the third member in their party to make sure _he_ wasn't up to any mischief.

Tunnel Rat watched as the angry librarian walked away. "She's kinda cute when she's angry..."

"Dream on, man."

"What? I like short, intelligent women."

"Just get it cleaned up," Stalker rolled his eyes and went back to reading.

For the next several hours, Stalker looked through the myths, while Tunnel Rat and Lowlight checked around other sections of the library for more information. The librarian walked by him several times, checking all the aisles in their section. She seemed relieved when he told her he had sent Tunnel Rat off with Lowlight. She pointed out some of the books he hadn't thought to check and helped put away some of the ones he had gone through. Eventually, someone announced the Library was closing over the loudspeaker. The three men met up in the main lobby and left the building.

"So, after two libraries, all we've got is a bunch of myths on Saturn and Chronos, a weird definitions page, a picture of a painting dating back to 1610, and a lot of wasted hours?" asked Tunnel Rat. He put his hands behind his head and started whistling.

"Don't forget near bans from both libraries," Stalker said, scowling at Tunnel Rat.

"Not like we have time to visit them anyways."

"I might want to visit again," said Lowlight. "Wouldn't be able to do that if you had gotten us banned."

"But I didn't, so chill out," said Tunnel Rat.

Lowlight glared at him.

Tunnel Rat sighed, "This means I'm getting sniped on the PT course, doesn't it?"

"I think I saw some fluorescent pink paint somewhere."

* * *

**Author's Note:** Thanks to Greentigerr for beta reading again. I would also like to thank Google Maps. I've never been to New York (pretty much have only been to two states), so the maps helped a lot. As for the book tunnels, you know those smooth books that sometimes have static on them? Ever try stacking them on another smooth book? Especially if it also has static? It gets the slightest bump or movement and boom! Goodbye neat stack. So yeah, be careful when building your book tunnels, kids, or better yet, just leave it to the experts.


	4. What the Hell is Your Problem?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own GI Joe.

* * *

Beachhead, Shipwreck, and Ripcord settled into their seats on the plane, waiting for their pilot. Ace arrived shortly, slightly out of breath as he got into the cockpit.

"Sorry about that, just got back from bringing in a team and was notified that I had another. Where we headed?"

"The Hermanos Serdan International Airport in Puebla, Mexico," grumbled Beachhead, half-asleep.

Ace nodded, flipping several switches and getting ready to take off. "Arrangements already taken care of?"

"Yeah, got a place to store the plane, car rental set up to get from the airport to the hotel, hotel's within walking distance of the library. Lady Jaye has everything set for us. Said we are going to some library to look at a specific book. We even get a translator lady," said Ripcord.

"Well then, thank you for choosing Air Ace. Make sure all seat trays are in the upright position and electronics are turned off. Remember, any turbulence is not the fault of your pilot, but of your local Cobra population. Annnnd we're off."

"Say Ace, have ya heard what the latest mission is?" asked Shipwreck.

"I got the gist of it. Something about Father Time being real and Cobra wanting to kill him or whatever."

"Yeah, pretty much it. There a pool on if it's real or not yet? 'Cause my money's on it being real."

"Awk! Waste of money, sailor. Waste of money," Polly squawked, coming through faintly on the headsets.

"No, but then again, I didn't exactly have time for anyone to stop me and ask. How much money do you want to lose this time, 'Wreck?"

"Shipwreck, you are seriously crazy if you think any of this shit is real," said Ripcord.

"Put me down for fifty."

"And put me down for fifty on it being not real, Ace."

"Alright, got you both down."

"Ah didn't just hear none of ya'll betting," Beachhead said, cracking open an eye to look at Shipwreck and Ripcord.

"No, of course not Beachhead. Not betting, we were just, uh, discussing the mission. Just go back to sleep," said Shipwreck.

"Back and fill, sailor! Back and fill."

"Aw, shut up you stupid bird."

* * *

They parked in the pale yellow parking garage across the street from the hotel. "I'll get us checked in and catch some shut-eye while you go deal with the library thing," Ace said, yawning.

"Sure you don't want to come? Probably be the only chance to see any part of the city while we are here," inquired Ripcord.

"As nice as that sounds, I've been flying for 12 hours. It's time to crash."

They walked out of the garage, squinting at the sunlight bouncing off the building in front of them.

"At least we can't miss the hotel. Nice bright nautical colors," commented Shipwreck.

"Awk! Only one on the block!"

"Bird's right, for once," Shipwreck said.

"More than you. Awk!"

"Good point, Polly," said Ripcord.

"Can't believe I'm getting ganged up on by two bird-brains," retorted Shipwreck.

"Can the chatter. Ace, be expecting mah call later, so we know where our rooms are. Let's get going," Beachhead ordered, starting towards the library.

They actually passed the library several times without realizing it. Ripcord found the sign to the library and they stood in front of the building for a minute or two looking at it. The door was made out of planks of wood and large steel rivets, making the library hard to find, since several other buildings had the same type of door. The only difference was the large and ornate gray brickwork surrounding it.

Ripcord scratched his head. "Wow, that's a lot different from every library I've ever seen. Never seen the entrance right on the street, it's usually steps or a big area with a lot of plants before you get to the door."

"Since when do you visit the library, airhead?" asked Shipwreck.

"Ha ha, you are so funny."

"Ya'll just shut the fuck up, already, gawd," Beachhead said, irritated. He walked in and the other two followed.

They were greeted not more than a few feet from the door. "_Welcome to the Biblioteca Palafoxiana, the oldest library in the Americas._"

"Uh, we don't speak Spanish," said Shipwreck.

The greeter looked at them for a moment and then pointed at them and then to another door.

"I suppose he wants us to go through that door," stated Ripcord.

"No shit, you fuckin' Sherlock," Beachhead growled as they started walking towards the door.

"Jeeze, Beachhead. What the hell is your problem today?" asked Ripcord

"Ah, he's just not happy 'cause there isn't any mud for him to be in," joked Shipwreck.

"Ah swear, if'n you two pogues don't shut the fuck up, Ahm gonna have you scrubbin' mah office with the tiniest bristle brushes Ah can come up with."

"That's an unusual threat, Señor," said the woman sitting at a desk in the room they had just entered. She was a fairly tall and dark Mexican woman, with light brown eyes and a wide smile.

"Sorry about our friend, Ma'am, he's just in a really bad mood today. The, uh, man at the door pointed us in this direction. I don't suppose you know where we could find, uh-" Ripcord tried remembering whom it was they were supposed to meet.

"Translator Estella Ortega, airhead. And she's right in front of us," said Shipwreck.

"That is correct, Señor. How may I help you?"

"We're here to look at the one of the incunabula, the one with the Father Time story in it," said Beachhead.

Estella looked over the men in front of her. "Are you perhaps the gentlemen Lady Jaye said she would be sending?"

All three men answered at the same time. "Yes, Ma'am."

"You are not quite what I was expecting, Señores, however, welcome to the Biblioteca Palafoxiana." She got up and walked around the desk. "Please, if you would follow me, I have the room already set up."

The three men followed her out of the room. She said something to the greeter and then continued walking. They passed through a huge room with white curved ceilings and wall-to-wall wooden bookcases. The middle of the room had several tables roped off. At the end of the room, there was an ornate gold piece with columns and other carvings that framed two pictures. Estella slowed down so the men could get a closer look at it. It was one of their biggest and most famous pieces of art.

She finally led them down several hallways until they got to the room she had set aside. She unlocked the door, allowing them to go in first. "This, Señores, is one of the special rooms we set aside to view the older works. It is specially designed to combat the humidity in this part of Meheco."

"Meheco?" asked Shipwreck.

"Do you speak Spanish, Señor?"

"Eh? Not really, but I wouldn't mind learning from someone as beautiful as you."

Estella giggled, "You are such a flatterer, Señor."

She put on a pair of disposable gloves she pulled out of the box hanging on the wall next to the door and walked over to the book on the table. There were several chairs there and she took one and motioned for the three men to take the others.

"Your Lady Jaye, she said you were looking into the concept of Father Time. I recommended this particular book because it contains a short story about the origin of Father Time that was written back in the fifteenth century." There was a laptop beside the book and she pulled up a word document. "I have been working on getting it translated, but there is still one more page. I can have it done by tomorrow, Señores."

Beachhead moved towards book. "Please, Señor, do not touch the book without putting on gloves first. The oils in the skin can damage the pages!" she exclaimed.

"That's not-"

"Ah'll make sure there is extra mud in mah office, if you finish that sentence," Beachhead interrupted, glaring at Ripcord.

"So then, maybe we should just let you be and come back tomorrow?" asked Shipwreck.

"Yes, Señores, that would be most helpful."

The Joes got up, Shipwreck getting up last and whispering in the librarian's ear. She smiled and nodded. "I can walk you out if you wish, Señores," she offered.

"Nah, that's alright, doll, we can find our way back out," Shipwreck said, winking.

* * *

The next morning, Beachhead woke up alone in the room he was supposed to be sharing with the sailor. He went through his normal morning routine and then went to check up on the other two members of the team in the next room.

"Wake up, ya fuckin' pogues," Beachhead said, throwing pillows at both men. "Anyone hear from Shipwreck?"

Ripcord grumbled under his pillow, "Got a text from him. Said to not wait up for him, he's staying with that library chick."

"And good morning too you to, Beach," mumbled Ace.

"Well, text that pogue back and tell him to get his gawddamn ass back here."

While they waited for Shipwreck to come back, they ordered breakfast. They were just finishing when he arrived.

"Hey! You didn't save any breakfast for me," Shipwreck said indignantly.

Ripcord finished licking the jam off his fingers. "No, figured you ate already." Ace snorted.

"Why would you think that?" Shipwreck asked, as he tried swiping the last piece of toast. Beachhead grabbed it at the same time and glared at Shipwreck, who quickly let go of it.

"Now that you're done getting friendly with the locals, want to tell us how much longer we are going to be delayed before we get that translation?" snarled Ace.

"No delay, sheesh. She got some help yesterday and finished it before she left for the evening. We can go pick it up whenever we want. Oh, and I found out something else interesting. Seems Cobra has been here looking for the same information."

"What?!" exclaimed Ripcord.

"Yeah, apparently they came and requested scans of the same story a few days ago. They didn't want to wait for her to translate it."

"How do you know it was Cobra?"

"She asked me why so many people are suddenly interested in the same specific story."

"Ah hope you didn't let anything important slip," Beachhead growled.

"I'm hurt that ya would think that, Beachhead."

"Awk! Gear adrift, sailor. Gear adrift."

Shipwreck muttered "Stupid bird," before continuing. "I didn't tell her anything, just asked if the other group was wearing a specific symbol or anything special. She described Cobra's symbol perfectly."

"Alright, 'Wreck and Ripcord, you two go get that translated story while Ace and Ah get everything cleaned up and ready to go here.

"Library doesn't open for another four hours, Beachhead."

"I'd like to be back at base for more than fifteen minutes. The earlier we leave, the better, so go get your girlfriend to open the damned thing up or get it for you," Ace growled.

"Wow, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed," Shipwreck said as he shut the door, narrowly missing the pillow that Ace had thrown at him. There was a soft thump as it hit the door and then again, when it fell to the floor. Shipwreck grinned as Ripcord shook his head at him.

* * *

**Author's Note**: _Italics_ are another language. I base my Beachhead off of WillWrite4fics' Beachhead (cause hers is awesome). Mexicans pronounce the x as an h. That is actually taken from a conversation I had with one of my customers once. They said it and I repeated it just to try it out and they asked me if I spoke Spanish. Unlike Shipwreck's answer, mine was a simple no. _Back and fill _means (according to internet) to act indecisively; to change one's direction repeatedly; to reverse one's course. (Originally nautical, referring to trimming the sails so as to alternately fill them with wind and release the wind, in order to maneuver in a narrow space.) _Gear adrift_ is a term (according to wiki) that basically means (1) (said when there is) loose or unsecured gear or equipment. (2) (said of) an incompetent sailor, one who has a screw loose.


	5. Nothing is What it Seems

**Disclaimer: **I still do not own G.I Joe. The likelihood of this happening is ridiculous.

* * *

"We all set to giddy up on out of here, pardners?" asked Wild Bill.

"Yup, let's go research up a storm in London!" shouted Cover Girl, pumping her fist in the air.

"Er, you know, I'd actually prefer not to run into him right now."

Cover Girl rolled her eyes. "That's not what the fuck I meant and you know it."

"Dusty brings up a good point though, darlin'. Now's not a good time to be runnin' into the poor feller, at least, not without Snakes along."

"So where do you guys want to start? Any ideas?" asked Dusty.

"Well, I was thinking mythology, but maybe we could also just look up time?" suggested Cover Girl.

"I don't think we need information on time mechanics so much, but that's not a bad idea if we can narrow it down to some specific subtopics," Dusty said.

"Maybe y'all can look on that there internet to get an idea of the categories in time. Do a bit of pre-research, so to speak."

"Hey, that's a great idea, Wild Bill," said Cover Girl.

They arrived in London too late to visit the library and decided to check into a hotel. They ordered dinner and gathered in one room around the couch. Dusty pulled out his phone, brought up the internet, and went to Wikipedia. The other three Joes crowded around him to look at the tiny screen. He typed in time. The contents part of the page had 10 different main links and then anywhere from between one to six sub categories. He scrolled past the contents to the first category. "Temporal measurement," he read out loud.

"I don't think we are going to find anything useful in the history of the calendar or clocks," frowned Cover Girl.

"Nor definitions," said Deep Six.

Dusty scrolled down further. "We might be able to find something in religion." He clicked on the link for time and fate deities. "Hey, Deep Six, grab that pen and pad of paper. I'm gonna send this page to you and you can check the links out and decided if we should look up any of the deities at the library."

"Holy shit, I didn't think there were time gods in ancient Egypt," said Cover Girl, leaning over to click on the link. Dusty moved the phone out her reach.

"Woowee, look it that, almost all the ancient religions do. There's even a link to Father Time," commented Wild Bill.

Deep Six pulled out his phone. The text was there, waiting for him. He clicked on the link and noticed something else. "The bible too," he said. The others looked again.

"Oh, yeah, there is a bible verse here, although it doesn't mention a specific person," commented Cover Girl.

"You have to wonder if any of these people who contributed to the philosophy or theories of time might be Father Time," Dusty said, thinking out loud.

"Maybe we can look into the older ones? Or the ones that had the what-the-fuck theories?" Cover Girl said thoughtfully.

"Now there's a thought. We could track down their students and whatnot to give the ladies a list of possible targets," said Wild Bill.

"I'll take the controversial theories people, Dusty," said Cover Girl.

"Alright, I'll look into the older theorists."

"Deep Six, rip off a couple of sheets of paper for us, would you?" Cover Girl asked while digging around in her pockets. She finally found what she was looking for in her leg pocket, pulling out a pen and her phone.

Deep Six passed out a sheet of paper to everyone. Wild Bill took his, looking down at it. "What'd y'all want me to look up?"

"Well, if you don't mind, maybe take on the more modern names. We can cover all the bases that way and it should be easy to rule out most of those," said Cover Girl.

"Sure thing, darlin', but just what do you consider modern?"

"Anything after the sixteen hundreds? What do you think, Dusty?"

"Hmm," Dusty looked up from his phone. "Yeah, anything after that is probably modern."

It was silent except for the sound of munching and the sound of paper being scribbled on. Cover Girl popped a piece of food into her mouth before writing down another name, Parmenides. She clicked on the link for his student, but it ended there and she put a line through the name. Heraclitus was also noted for having controversial views, but again, there wasn't much to follow-up on. She put down Martin Heidegger and J.M.E. McTaggart as possibilities and left them both.

Wild Bill, being the wily one that he was, started clicking on names and then reading the first sentence or two to find the birth dates. If it was past what he was looking for, he would do a search on the page for key words such as wife, married, student, or heir. He was able to eliminate three of the names that way. He put Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz, Henri Bergson, Martin Heidegger, and J.M.E. McTaggart on the list to look into further.

Dusty sighed with frustration. It seemed the older theorists didn't really have a record of heirs or anything. Parmenides, Heraclitus, Augustine of Hippo. He could look into Plato since there was supposedly a family tree somewhere. And Aristotle, but he felt his list was woefully short. He put down the paper, pen, and phone to concentrate on something much better: his sandwich.

Deep Six started going through the various links of deities. Some of them were just silly. The Babylonian Goddess Ishtar had absolutely nothing to do with time, other than a story where she walked through seven gates of time. He wasn't going to add any goddesses to the list anyway, seeing how Father Time was male. He noted down Heh from Egyptian mythology, Kairos, and then beside it, Caerus. He considered adding Father Time and then decided not to, figuring the other groups would cover it and there wasn't sense in having fifty million copies of the same thing. He added Zurvan as the last deity on his list.

The four finished compiling the lists and eating, sitting in silence for a bit before Dusty spoke up. "Are we done? If so, let's compare and see if there are any of the same people on them."

They handed the lists over to him. He set Deep Six's list aside, knowing there weren't any of those names on any other list. He compared the remaining three and was able to set his list aside as well. Both Wild Bill and Cover Girl had overlapping names. He crossed out the two names on Wild Bill's list and then handed them back out.

"So, the names we have uncrossed on the lists are what we can go ahead and research tomorrow. I think, seeing as we only have two names and Deep Six has a ton, we should help him once we get to the end of wherever it is our names lead us."

"Only four," Deep Six pointed out.

"Still, that is twice as much as anyone else. It's not really fair for you."

Deep Six shrugged.

* * *

The alarm clock went off and Cover Girl reached for it, not finding the button she wanted to shut the damned thing up. She finally ended up yanking it off the table beside the bed and throwing at the floor, where it continued to make its annoying noise. She threw the pillow after it and buried her head under another one.

"Shut up, I don't have to get up and face Sergeant too-fucking-chipper-in-the-god-damn-mornings and I want to sleep in a little," she mumbled. The alarm seemed to listen to her, shutting itself off. Five minutes later, it went off again. "Fucking Christ, I'm up!" she shouted, crawling out of bed and removing the pillow from the clock. She shut the stupid thing off and went to go get dressed.

She woke the boys up and they decided to go get breakfast while they waited for the library to open. They walked along nearly a block's worth of odd fencing, the bottom half of it being brick and the top, black metal bars. They went around the corner, where the fence suddenly quadrupled in size and lost the bars.

"Wow, this is the library entrance?" Cover Girl went up to the gate to check to see when exactly the library opened. Another group was there and they waved when she passed by.

"That's kind of neat the way they made the gate. It's like they used the left over metal from the bars to make the repeating word pattern," commented Dusty.

"And you definitely can tell what it is that way. You'd have to be a moron not to be able to figure it out with advertising like that," said Cover Girl, coming back over to them.

They timed it so they arrived just as the library was getting ready to open. The other group was eagerly waiting and one of them shook his arm and then looked at his watch.

"Cobra," Deep Six hissed quietly.

"Huh, where?" asked Dusty.

"Motherfucking cockroaches! There's a Cobra tattoo on that guy's wrist," Cover Girl whispered loudly.

"Keep it down, darlin'. They'll hear us."

"Change of plans, Deep Six and Cover Girl, get the books you need and research at the same table. Wild Bill and I'll shadow the snakes. We'll switch off in a few hours."

* * *

**Author's Note**: First off, I apologize this is late. Super busy right now. On the plus side, while the rest of this story is unbetaed, it is actually finished! The bible verse referred to is Ecclesiastes 3:1–8. I've reread this several times (imagine that) and I find the first part is familiar and that is because Totenkinder Madchen wrote something similar in her story 'Rock on a Roll'. Go read it, because it was done a lot better :p


	6. Serious Eats

**Disclaimer**: I do not own G.I Joe.

* * *

Rafael Shimpling glanced down at his watch and swore. He gathered up his coat and hat and rushed for the door.

"Professor? Professor! Where are you going?" his secretary asked in alarm.

"Don't want to be late. They got fresh unagi in today. I have to hurry if I want to get there before they run out."

"Professor, you have an appointment in a few minutes. With the military, remember?"

He stopped and scratched his head. "I do, don't I? Well, cancel it and tell them to come back tomorrow."

"Professor! You can't do that," she squeaked.

"Sure I can," he said as he reached for the door.

"But you said to make sure you didn't cancel this appointment no matter what."

"But, unagi!"

"Maybe you should take them with you?" she suggested.

"Hmmm, maybe. When did you say they were coming, again?" he asked, removing his hand from the knob.

The phone rang and the secretary picked it up. "Hello... Yes... No, don't send them through, the Professor was just on his way out. Just keep them there and he will meet them... Hmm? Yeah, that's fine... Ok... Bye."

"So they are at the front desk waiting?" he asked eagerly.

"Yes, Professor."

"Good, I will be back late from lunch, it being unagi day and all."

The secretary sighed. "And here I thought it would be because there was a lot to discuss. What would happen to you if there were suddenly no unagi, Professor?

"I'd move to Japan."

"Of course you would," she said as he rushed out the door.

He walked quickly, nearly running to get to the Kogane no Sakana. He passed the front desk and was about to push open the door when the student at the front desk called after him.

"What?" he squinted at the student.

"Uhm, these people are here to see you."

"Oh, right, forgot. Well, come along then and hurry, I've someplace to be!" he snapped to the soldiers sitting in the waiting area. He continued out of the building, not slowing his pace.

The four soldiers caught up to him, appearing to have no problem keeping up with him at all. Well, he guessed it was to be expected, given that they were most likely fairly active people. He thought the brunette woman was in charge, but maybe it was the short, over-muscled, beret-wearing man. He was convinced it was not the even more over-muscled and fellow height abundant 'brotha,' as his students would say, that followed behind the other two. Nor was it the quilt padded short boy who was looking around at everything.

The woman spoke up, "Professor Shimpling? Where are we going?"

"To lunch, I don't know what possessed me to schedule a meeting at this time, on this day."

The soldiers glanced at each other. "Surely it could have waited an hour?"

"An hour?" he laughed. "You want to know about Father Time. That whole subject is both strange and time-consuming," The soldiers groaned. "What? Oh, haha, I made a pun. Whatever," he waved a hand in the air. "It will probably take more than an hour. Besides, today is unagi day. You can wait if you want."

"I suppose we could stop and eat, it has been a while since breakfast," she said. "By the way, I'm Lady Jaye; this is Flint, Roadblock, and Lift-Ticket."

"Professor Rafael Shimpling," he nodded. "According to my students I'm the professor of weird, cool shit, whatever that means."

"Where are we going for lunch?"

"It's right here," he said, stopping in front of the restaurant. "It's Japanese; translates to Golden Fish. Ladies first," he said, holding the door open.

"So it's a sushi restaurant?" whispered the beret-man, what had she called him again, Striker? Stone? Flint? Yes, Flint was talking to the man she had called Roadblock. Roadblock certainly looked like one, making Rafael feel even more like the beanpole that he was.

The waitress greeted him enthusiastically and got the five of them seated quickly. She asked him if wanted his usual, to which he of course nodded yes too. She told the others she would come back after a few minutes to get their order and then bounced off to serve her other customers.

"Do they serve anything besides raw fish here?" asked Lift-Ticket.

Rafael rolled his eyes. "One, sushi is not raw fish. It may have raw fish, but it doesn't mean raw fish and doesn't always have raw fish. Sashimi is raw fish. Two, if you dislike seafood, they also serve beef or pork. I would recommend the ramen, although it does have some elements of seafood such as the nori sheets and narutomaki. You can remove those. There are also beef or pork rice bowls and other dishes."

"What are you getting, Professor Shimpling?" asked Roadblock.

"Unagi, vegetable tempura, gyoza, maguro, unagi don."

"English?"

He sighed, "Eel sushi, pot stickers, light tuna sushi, eel rice bowl. I trust I don't have to explain vegetable tempura?"

They looked the menu over a few more minutes, before the waitress returned and took their orders.

"Do you have specific questions for me or are you just looking for any information you can get your hands on?" Rafael asked after she left.

"Well, a little of both actually. We are trying to pinpoint Father Time," answered Lady Jaye.

He snorted, "Good luck with that, girlie."

She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, there is some information on the internet that points to Father Time being related to the Grim Reaper and several others."

"Indeed there is. One of the theories is that there is actually a whole system of these powers out there. Father Time is but one of them. When we are done, I'll give you a copy of my book. It goes into detail about all of the different theories. I can't help you figure out who Father Time is. No one knows that. But I can give you a run down on the current theories."

"Theories?" asked Flint.

"Makes you wonder, doesn't it? If the images of Father Time influenced the way we think of the Grim Reaper, are they the same or are they two separate characters? Is there a legendary council similar to what 'The Santa Clause' movies depict? Or is there a guardianship like 'Rise of the Guardians'? There have been many accounts of people seeing these beings. There is a whole forum online dedicated to the topic, even. Some hypothesize they are really aliens. Another popular theory is the earth's excess energy forms these beings out of popular belief. I explore all of that in my book."

"But just theories, no proof?"

He shook his head. "No, no solid evidence. Stories, well, more stories than you can shake a stick at. That is part of what I do. I find these stories and verify them as much as possible. Some are shear quackery. People just trying to get others to buy into a scam or trying to get their fifteen minutes of fame. Many of those stories change often. Most of the ones I consider are the ones that don't change. The stories told so much that the person telling them is tired of repeating them. Some have even been passed down through several generations."

"You said there are accounts of people seeing beings. So is there more than just Father Time?" asked Roadblock.

"Well, the theory on that particular thought runs along the lines of there being a 'legendary council'. There are many experiences of running into a Grim Reaper type character. It is probably the most popular one, what with people's fascination with death. The theory runs that there is an Old Man Winter-" he paused as the waitress arrived with their food. He clapped his hands together once and said itadakimasu before picking up his chopsticks and starting in on his food.

The Joes also picked up their chopsticks and started in. Roadblock picked up a piece of eel and popped it into his mouth. Flint watched him with trepidation. "Don't eels have toxic blood?" he asked, looking at both Roadblock and the professor's dishes.

"Yes," answered Roadblock, preparing to pop another piece in.

The professor paused slightly in eating. "Eels have toxic blood to stop predators from eating them. It actually contains a muscle-seizing toxin that in extreme cases will stop the heart completely. For that reason, eel is never served raw. This is actually smoked eel," he elaborated.

Lady Jaye and Flint attempted to converse further with the professor while eating, but they only received short and increasingly snappish answers. They both decided to let the man eat before continuing the conversation. Lift-Ticket was eating and looking out the window, while Roadblock was eating nearly as single-mindedly as the professor was.

He finished, and leaned back in the booth, a smile on his face. He waited until the soldiers finished eating before clearing his throat. "Anyway, as I was saying, the major players thought to exist are Mother Nature, Old Man Winter or Santa Claus - that's still being argued - the Grim Reaper, Cupid, and the Sandman. Whether they are they part of a council or just working on their own is also still hotly debated."

"But if all anyone you have are eye-witness accounts, how can you substantiate any of it? What's to say these people aren't just hallucinating?" asked Flint.

"How many people, people who have never met each other, are from different backgrounds, and never even given these things a second thought before their experience, tell of the same details? Take Cupid for instance. There are maybe ten people who I believe to have had a genuine run-in with this character. They all describe a being with very large white wings, completely naked, except for the quiver of arrows on his back and the bow in his hand. They also describe, and I find this odd, but they describe him as a person of color, although, none of them will say what race exactly. I would have assumed Cupid to be of a European nature."

"How many years of research have you put into this, Professor?" asked Lady Jaye.

"Hmm, I would say at least fifteen, almost twenty."

"And, did you have an 'experience' that got you into this?"

"Not exactly."

"Help me understand, Professor, why exactly would anyone choose to make this into a career? Why spend so many years chasing phantoms?"

"I used to bug my grandmammy for stories of one of our ancestors, who was said to possess the power of one of the four winds. I always wanted to find out if it had any truth to it, so I would go to the library and research anything related I could think of and it just kind of snowballed from there."

"So what can you tell us about Father Time?" Flint asked, leaning forward.

"Well, he's either hard to figure out or easy, depending on your view. If you think of Father Time and the Grim Reaper as the same character, it is very easy. When you try to separate the two, it becomes very difficult. I have come across maybe two different experiences that were specific to Father Time. The first one was an older woman who said an old man rescued her by stopping and reversing time, preventing a building from collapsing. She described him as looking almost exactly like the sculpture in the Rotunda Clock at the Library of Congress, only dressed in a simple robe that strongly reminded her of a monk. She actually thought that's what he was until she experienced the time reversal."

"That almost combines two different images of him," Lady Jaye commented.

Professor Shimpling nodded. "The second is still debatable. I had a man, I'd say in his late sixties, come in and say he once bullied a kid in school. His story is that the kid didn't do anything back to him, but ever since then, he has nightmares of an old man and a scythe. He says he's still a kid in the dream and the old man is holding an hourglass. He taps on it with the scythe and then points at the kid, while turning into a skeleton. In my mind, this firmly cements that the two characters, Grim Reaper and Father Time are actually just one, but I have forum people and several students who debate otherwise."

"If the two are one, than we might have been looking in the wrong place. Maybe we need to go back to the library and look more into death instead of time," said Lady Jaye, tapping her finger on the table.

"It certainly puts a different spin on things. Well, let's go back and I'll get my secretary to give you that book."

"Right, then we can spend the rest of the afternoon looking in this new direction," Flint ordered as Roadblock and Lift-Ticket groaned.

* * *

**Author's Note**: Unagi is eel - according to a friend who loves it. Kogane no Sakana is Golden Fish as far as I could figure using Google translator. Itadakimasu is the traditional phrase said before eating. Feel free to correct any of them if they are wrong. The others terms I tried to explain after they were mentioned, so I don't have a huge note here. You might have been able to guess, I like knowing about Japanese food. It's so pretty, it makes even a seafood-hating person like me want to try it. Theories mentioned in this chapter come from the internet or thin air (so much for not having a long note).


	7. Beware the Hidden Nerd

**Disclaimer:** I do not own G.I Joe. We've established this, yes?

* * *

"Well, what do you suggest for research, Breaker? I assume you've already done some of it online," Duke asked as the helicopter took off.

"Yup. I bet Lady Jaye and Scarlett end up with a bunch of copies of myth related stuff. I think we should look at all the names in time theory and science. If we can connect their work to scientists or theorists that are alive today, maybe it will give us a list of potential targets. I've already started a partial list," he said, unwrapping a piece of gum and popping it in his mouth.

"I bet he's the Doctor," Clutch interjected.

Breaker snorted, almost choking on his gum. Duke looked confused. "Who?" he asked.

This time Breaker did choke on his gum. He started coughing and Clutch looked at him, concerned. "You need help there, buddy?"

He waved Clutch off and ended up swallowing it. "Damn it, that was my last piece. Don't you ever watch TV, Duke?"

"I watch the news occasionally, when I get time."

"That's it? I mean, 'Doctor Who' is one of the biggest things from British television right now. How can you not have heard of it?"

"I'd rather do other things in my spare time. It's not like I get a whole lot of it, not with all the chaos that goes on," Duke paused. "So, who is the Doctor?"

Clutch and Breaker started laughing. Airborne spoke up, "That's the point, Top. No one knows his name, so it's just the Doctor. It's a running joke that everyone asks 'who' after he is introduced."

"Didn't they reveal it recently? I don't know if I actually like it or not. I kind of preferred him not having a name," pointed out Breaker.

Clutch shook his head. "No, no, that was the actor's name, not the Doctor's."

"Really? I haven't had much time to really look into it, just watched the episode a few days ago, actually."

"Cobra cutting into your 'Doctor Who' time, Breaker?" asked Airborne.

Breaker snorted. "Not just 'Doctor Who'. Cobra cuts into everything."

"Who knew I was surrounded by geeks?" Duke groaned.

"The proper term is Whovians, Top," Airborne corrected him.

Duke shook his head and planted his palm on his face, letting it slide down. "Whatever," he muttered. He half listened to the three of them as they continued discussing this Doctor Who thing for the rest of the flight. At least they had something in common outside of fighting Cobra or getting into trouble, he supposed.

They arrived at the Library of Congress. The main building was concrete gray, and it even had a miniature dome top like the White House, albeit in the same gray instead of white. "Did you know this is actually only one building? There is another one across the street over there," Airborne said, pointing.

"The first thing that should be on the agenda is to take a look at the Rotunda Clock. It has an image of Father Time on it. After that, I have a list of things for each of us to look up and have noted in what sections of the library to find the information," Breaker said, holding up several sheets of paper.

"I'm glad you have a plan of attack ready, Breaker. Let's see them," Duke said.

Breaker passed them out. "I hoped you wouldn't mind, Duke. I tried to make it easy, but let's be honest, it's going to be boring and dry as hell and even professional ass-sitters are going to be sore. I have yet to run into a library with comfortable chairs."

"No, this is fine. I'll defer to the literary expert in this case."

"I don't know about that. I tried to give us equal amounts, but without actually doing the research myself, there isn't a way to tell how far each rabbit hole goes. I hope you don't mind that I included you, Airborne."

"Not like I have anything better to do except wait. Might as well make myself useful."

"Well, let's go take a look at that clock. After that, if you finish early, Find someone else to help out, that way we can get done with this ASAP," ordered Duke.

* * *

"You know, after doing all that reading and sitting around, I don't even want to get back in the 'copter," complained Clutch.

Breaker popped a bubble. "Cry me a river, there's a drought somewhere."

"Fuck you, I'm not used to sitting on my ass all day. I thought you swallowed your last piece of gum?"

"I gave you fair warning. Bought another pack at the café."

"I know, but still. And I didn't know there was a café. Ah man, I missed lunch!"

Duke snorted, looking up from the list they had compiled. "That's your own fault. Breaker had everything all scheduled and mapped out."

"What can I say? I was really into the research."

Airborne snorted. "You mean you were really into the chick that was reading at the same table as you."

"Having someone to compare notes with made it less boring."

"Alrighty then," commented Breaker. Duke rolled his eyes.

"You know what? Even after all that researching, I still say he's the Doctor," Clutch grinned.

"So, just put him on the list," interrupted Airborne.

"Yeaaah, already tried that and nearly got brained by Scarlett. Surprising that I didn't have to explain it to her, 'cause you know she has better things to do," said Breaker.

Clutch snorted.

"Just don't go there," Duke sighed.

"No, of course not, Duke. Unlike Clutch, some of us would much prefer if Scarlett never kicked us in the family jewels," said Airborne.

"Come on, she totally digs me. That's just her way of being friendly."

"I really don't think certain ninja masters get kicked like you do," commented Breaker.

"Guys," Duke warned.

"That just goes to show you she does like me. She reserves that special kick just for me."

"Uh huh, as well as Shipwreck, nine-tenths of the male greenshirts, and whoever else manages to piss her off and has a Y chromosome," Breaker said before blowing another bubble.

"Oh looky, we're back at the bird. It's time to go back to the Pit. You think Scarlett will be back yet?" asked Clutch.

Duke got into the helicopter, shaking his head. Sometimes, they really just didn't know when to shut up. He knew, _someday,_ there was going to be a report on his desk about either Snake Eyes snapping and doing some impossible-to-describe ninja-thing-that-is-painful to Clutch, or Scarlett snapping and doing some permanent damage. His bet was on Scarlett snapping first.

"You know, I think the only reason Snakes doesn't actually kick your ass for hitting on Scarlett is because he enjoys watching her do it instead, Clutch," whispered Airborne while Breaker nodded.

* * *

**Author's Note**: The whole Doctor Who conversation was inspired by Greentigerr. I mean, honestly, how can you talk about the subject of time and not bring him up (apparently I can, silly me). Edit* I recently found out that I need to pay more attention to the real world. I ended up changing a few lines because the Doctor's name has not been revealed, like I thought. It was the just actor's name. *facepalm*


	8. Bringing it Together

Duke sipped at his coffee while looking over some paperwork. He put the cup down, wrote something on the report, and then set it aside.

"You're doing paperwork this early in the fucking morning? Jeez, Top, you'd think you could leave it at your damned desk instead of dragging it to the debriefing. Not like it's going anywhere."

"No, but it multiplies. I can probably get most of this stack done before we start," he looked up. "Just being efficient. Besides, if you could bring your work in here, you would, Cover Girl."

She smiled at him. "Hell yeah, but my work is waaay more fun."

She wandered off and he started to read the next report. Flint took a seat beside him, putting his head on the table and for all appearances, going to sleep. Lady Jaye came up beside him and patted him on the head.

"Poor baby, having to deal with Beachhead's greenies for one day," she said, taking a seat.

Flint groaned and mumbled into the table before lifting his head back up. "At least I was able to give them back this morning. Did you see what they did to the dojo? Snake Eyes is livid. Something about not needing to have a technicolor dojo. The quartermaster is just as pissed. All those _expensive_ mats that now have to be replaced because the greenshirts thought they were being cute by painting both sides. Jinx. God, Snake Eyes had to stop her from going on a killing spree. Apparently, _someone_ wrote something in that squiggly character thing that the Japanese use. What do they call it again? Kanagi? Whatever it was, it doesn't mean what they think it does."

"Hmm?" Duke looked at Flint. "I saw those reports earlier. Greenshirts are taking a collective hit to their paychecks and will be scrapping paint off the mirrors later. Probably with shaving razors or whatever hellish thing Beachhead can come up with. And, not that I know anything about it, Ace has a pool already on how long it takes for Snake Eyes to stop driving them into the ground during hand-to-hand. Those will be some sore and miserable greenshirts by time it's all over."

"Funny how they don't get into nearly as much trouble with Beachhead around," Lady Jaye commented. Both men snorted.

* * *

"Alright people, let's get this debriefing started. Any volunteers?" Hawk asked as he took a seat.

Spirit spoke up. "I will start. We went to interview a man who had a near death experience, but he would only talk to me, while Scarlett and Snow Job waited outside. He remembers being in a car accident and then standing at a crossroads. There was a cloaked figure holding a scythe in its hand, blocking the way forward and he couldn't go back because there was nothing there. He said the cloaked figure was not death, but an avatar for it and it gave him a choice, to choose the left or the right path. He tried to ask what the directions of the paths meant, but it demanded he choose. He continued to ask questions, trying to find out which path was the right one, but it only answered two questions. The first one was why he had never heard of the place he was standing at and the second was if he could see what the avatar really looked like."

"What did he see?" asked Stalker. The Joes were listening intently, curious about the story Spirit was telling.

"He described it in much greater detail. He said the figure lowered its hood and removed its cloak. He saw a beautiful and winged Native American woman. She started changing, becoming thinner, until there was nothing but skin covering her bones and then that melted away. There was only the skeleton left. The cloak reappeared around it and it again demanded he make his choice."

"Ya know, if we just went lookin' for stories on near death experiences, we would be dealing with this until _we_ died," said Tunnel Rat, snorting. Several others murmured their agreement.

"You said there was a second question. About the place he was at?" asked Duke, trying to keep the conversation from derailing.

"Yes. He says that the avatar told him it was the crossroad between life and death and most people forget it or remember it as something else."

"Was that all?" Duke asked.

Spirit nodded.

"It's an interesting story, but it doesn't seem like much," observed Psyche Out.

"Maybe not, but every little bit helps. Who's next?" asked Scarlett.

Polly flapped her wings and then squawked. "PFM, Mate! PFM!"

"Right, already gave the translated story to Lady Jaye, but the librarian told me about it when we went out for dinner. Seems that it tells of some entity that gathers excess energy from the earth and uses it to give certain people special powers. Father Time was the first one created. The story describes him as being an old man when he first got his powers and that he lived out the rest of that year, before turning into a baby on the New Year. It also goes on to tell about Father Time's early days adjusting to his new powers as he grew up again and how he was worshipped as a god because of them," reported Shipwreck. "Cobra was at the library before us and got a copy of the original version to go," he added.

"Well, we thought we ran into Cobra, but it turned out it was just an idiot who thought the Cobra symbol was cool and had it tattooed on his wrist. I swear, some people just don't have any common sense," Dusty reported, shaking his head.

"Some people jus' dun know what to do with it, even when it goes and bites them," agreed Wild Bill.

"We researched some of the philosophers thinking maybe one or some of them were Father Time and that maybe the current Father Time is an heir or student. Deep Six also did a run down on some of the time deities," Dusty continued.

Flint spoke up next. "No Cobra excitement for us, but we got a book from the professor that has a great deal of information about a bunch of theories on what amounts to magical people. There are a couple things in it on Father Time, but it mostly operates on the theory that he is the Grim Reaper. It at least gave us another direction to look," he shrugged.

"I wouldn't be surprised if whoever was sitting at the same table as Clutch was from Cobra."

"Hey!" exclaimed Clutch.

"Breaker has a point. I mean, why else would anyone with good taste hang around you?" pointed out Ace.

"We were researching the same thing and decided we could get more done if we split it up between us and then made copies!"

"Duuude, she totally was from Cobra!"

"Duuude! You weren't even there, so shut up! I can tell if someone is a Snake."

"Gawd, both of you pogues can drop and give me fifty if'n you don't shut the fuck up," growled Beachhead.

Duke shook his head. "We also compiled a list of potential people who could be Father Time, although we looked at the scientists and theorists," he said, trying to get things back on topic.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** PFM is pure fucking magic.


	9. Deep Six: Souless Horror?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own G.I. Joe.

**Author's Note:** _:italics:_ is telepathic communication.

* * *

The door opened up while Stalker was in mid sentence. He paused and everyone in the room watched as one of the lab technicians came in with an odd-looking device. It looked like a cross between a dowsing rod and a metal detector; y shaped and metallic with a small display screen on the left side that was beeping softly. The lab technician started pointing it at the Joes on the left side of the room. It continued beeping the same as he pointed it to each individual. He was pointing it at his fifth Joe when Duke asked, "What are you doing? Do you realize you are interrupting a _closed_ debriefing?"

The technician stopped what he was doing, lowering the device to his right side. "Sorry, Sir! This is the FTESD, that is Father Time Energy Sensing Device, we were ordered to recreate." The technician pushed his glasses up higher on his nose. "The device started beeping outside the test room and I decided to follow it and find out who among us is Father Time."

Everyone looked at him in surprise and he lifted the device back up to continue scanning. As he did, the beeping increased in both frequency and volume. He frowned at it and pointed it to the person standing just to the right of him, but it did not increase further. He pointed it to the next person and then to the next two people standing along the wall, but it still did not increase. When he pointed it to Snake Eyes in the corner, it stopped beeping, but increased in volume and made a continuous noise. The technician stared at Snake Eyes, his jaw dropping in awe.

"Turn tha' infernal racket down!" Beachhead yelled, after listening to it for a minute. The technician jumped and switched the device off quickly.

Hawk cleared his throat, looking at Snake Eyes. "Is there something you'd like to tell us?"

Snake Eyes snorted, *It's malfunctioning. I am as likely to be Father Time as Deep Six is.*

The man in question frowned deeply as everyone looked at him. The technician gulped, turned the FTESD back on, and pointed it at Deep Six. It gave off a continuous sound, but nowhere near as loud. The technician turned it back off while lowering it. "Should have installed a mute button," he muttered.

Deep Six was now giving off his patented death glare at the technician. Unnoticed, Snake Eyes shook his head slightly to the right as if he had something in his ear.

Hawk addressed the technician. "Are you sure, absolutely sure, that there is nothing wrong with it?"

"No sir! We delayed letting you know it about its completion because we wanted to test it thoroughly. It is one hundred percent accurate." The technician pushed his glasses up again with a slightly trembling finger.

"So if we trust this device, Snake Eyes is Father Time and Deep Six is what? A spawn?" asked Duke.

Deep Six snorted as Snake Eyes signed *No*

"I want an explanation now. Why are you both giving off energy signatures this device can read?" demanded Hawk.

Snake Eyes and Deep Six both shrugged.

"You will both answer. And 'I don't know' or any variation of that is unacceptable," Hawk glared at Deep Six. "You first, Deep Six." Everyone looked at him expectantly.

"I have a friend," Deep Six said, still giving off death glares to the technician.

"And?" asked Hawk as everyone looked back at him. They went back to looking at Deep Six.

"The rest is classified," Deep Six growled, glancing at Hawk and then going back to staring at the technician. Everyone looked back at Hawk.

Hawk rubbed his forehead, "So let me get this straight. You are a friend of Father Time, but you can't tell us about it?"

*Quite giving death glares* Snake Eyes signed at Deep Six. Deep Six shifted his gaze to Snake Eyes. Everyone else looked at him as well. *What?*

"So are you Father Time?" asked Flint.

Snake Eyes' shoulders were shaking in laughter as he signed, *No.*

"Than what are you?" asked Lifeline.

His shoulders stopped shaking. *Told you, device is malfunctioning.*

The lab technician pushed his glasses up on his nose again. "It is not, Sir!" Snake Eyes turned his head towards the technician, who gulped.

Breaker interjected, "If it were malfunctioning, wouldn't it be going off for everyone or not at all?"

The technician nodded, "Yes and we tested it using the formula Cobra had in their notes."

*We should trust Cobra now?* signed Snake Eyes.

"You are avoiding the question Snake Eyes," warned Hawk. Deep Six snorted. Snake Eyes turned towards Deep Six, glaring at him, not that anyone could see. *Shut up. At least I am not giving spawns from my evil acquaintance from the sea to my girlfriend,* he signed with sharp and jerky movements that everyone had come to associate with his being agitated.

"Deep Six has a girlfriend? How the hell does he have one and I don't?" asked Clutch in shock as everyone else other than Snake Eyes stared wide-eyed at Deep Six.

Deep Six death glared at Snake Eyes, "Thanks a lot."

It was Snake Eyes' turn to snort. *That will not work. I'm tired of running interference.*

"DEATH!" shouted the lab technician as he pointed a finger at Snake Eyes while sliding sideways away from him. "You're Death!"

Snake Eyes resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. He settled for giving the universal sign for so-so.

"What do you mean so-so?" asked Duke.

Snake Eyes sighed heavily, *G-r-i-m R-e-a-p-e-r,* he fingerspelled quickly. Everyone sat in silence for a moment. Finally, Scarlett spoke up.

"Did you know about Father Time all this time? Did you just let us waste time and effort when you could have just told us? What the HELL, Snake?" She had stood up while she had spoken and was leaning angrily over the table.

*Not for me to say.* He hesitated before signing again, *I only met him once and I know he disguises himself. Other than that,* he shrugged.

"Yes! Paydirt, baby!" said Shipwreck as several Joes groaned, while Ripcord slapped himself on the head.

"How long have you been the Grim Reaper?" asked Psyche-Out at the same time that Duke said, "Deep Six also knew, Scarlett."

*That mission in Germany four years ago. I came back and took a month of leave,* replied Snake Eyes.

"I remember that. I thought it was odd then, since you hardly take time off," said Hawk.

Snake Eyes sighed. *Had to learn how to be Grim Reaper.*

"Is there anything else you know about any of it? How the system works for instance, or how many more like you and Father Time are out there?" asked Lady Jaye.

Snake Eyes shrugged. *It works differently for everyone. Father Time has always been Father Time. Some powers reside in objects that choose.* His hands stilled for a moment, before he continued. *My assistant may have more information. She has been around for a while.*

"I want as much information as possible. While you get a hold of her, Scarlett and Lady Jaye will go over the information everyone has gathered and we will see if we can pinpoint where to start using our new device," ordered Hawk.

The technician spoke up, "Sir, should we have everyone come into the lab for testing?"

"Ah, hell no," grumbled Beachhead.

Flint smirked. "Is there something you'd like to tell us, Beachhead?"

"No, but Ah don't think it matters so long as it doesn't interfere with our job."

Billy spoke up. "It might also do more harm than good if people are forced into revealing themselves. Maybe it should just be voluntary."

Hawk nodded. "Let it be voluntary. No one is to go questioning, sneaking around, or otherwise trying to find out if they suspect someone, either. I will not have unknown powers doing more damage then you people already do to my base! Anyone caught doing so will face six months of janitorial duties, and will be restricted to base during that time. Dismissed."

Everyone started filing out. Snake Eyes was heading to his room when Scarlett caught up to him. "Why didn't you tell me?" she demanded as they walked down the hallway.

He stopped suddenly, looking ahead. *I didn't want you to know.*

She stopped with him. "Why not?" she asked as her eyes flashed dangerously. "How am I supposed to trust you when you keep secrets like this?"

*No one needed to know,* he signed angrily. *What will they expect now that they do?*

"Why do you think they will expect anything, Snake? We all know if there is anything you could do to prevent fellow teammates from dying, you would. We all know how much you push yourself. Even if you didn't think anyone else needed to know, you could have at least told me. You know I wouldn't expect anything."

He sighed. *I know you wouldn't.*

"Are you going to go contact your assistant?"

He nodded cautiously.

"Can... I watch?"

His response was a jerky and immediate no. He started walking again at a fast pace. She followed.

"Why not, Snake?"

He kept going, signing behind his back, *I do n-o-t want you to see it.*

"Snake Eyes!"

He shook his head and jogged around the corner. Before Scarlett could catch up, he started running down to the next hallway and around another corner. Once out of sight, he climbed up into a nearby vent.

Scarlett rounded the corner, stopping when she saw it was empty. "God damn it, Snake Eyes!" she shouted. Frustrated, she turned around and walked angrily down to the file room.

Snake Eyes heard her up in the vents and winced. Using ninja skills to hide from your girlfriend; Tommy would laugh at him right now. He figured it would probably be a good couple of months of chocolates, flowers, and romantic evenings before she would stop being angry with him, but it would be worth it if she never saw him in his Grim Reaper form. He continued crawling through the vents until he got to the closest exit near his room. Dropping down from the ceiling, he quickly went to his door, unlocked it, and once in, locked it again. He pulled the chair from his desk and put the back of it under the doorknob, further preventing unwanted intrusions.

He still did not know if it was his own penchant for picking up weapons or if it was the scythe itself that had made him take it. It had just lying on the ground in front of him in the woods of all places. Had he known what it really was, he wouldn't have touched it. He was busy enough with all the missions Hawk assigned him, getting Tommy to throw off the brainwashing, as he was once again, currently trying to do, training apprentices, and trying to fit in whatever left over time he had with Scarlett. He didn't need another full-time job listening to petitions, prayers, and dealing non-Cobra related death.

He sat down on the floor in a meditative position. Once he was comfortable, he imagined the feel of the black wooden handle in his hands and pictured the long, beak-like curve of the polished blade. He found the curve of the blade appealing. He also liked how a piece of it protruded above the handle and spiked out a couple of inches in the back.

When he had completely imagined the scythe in his hands, it materialized and he started floating. Dull black wings appeared and curved around him briefly before folding up behind him. His clothes changed to a black robe. He hated this part, where his mask came off and his face was exposed. He had looked in the mirror once. The transformation, while not making him into a skeleton as he thought it would, made him look drawn and emaciated, causing the already ugly scars on his face to be more prominent. Even with the hood of the robe over his head, he felt exposed and hated it. He balanced the scythe in his lap and then flipped the hood up over his head. He had no idea why it didn't materialize already over his head. He was told it was a thing of practice and preference, but it never seemed to behave for him.

When he had first come into being the Grim Reaper, he had told the assistant it would be difficult for him to do the job and had been dismayed when she had told him he was stuck with it. He was able to arrange it with her so he only had to do whatever absolutely had to have the Grim Reaper's personal touch. He reached out in his mind for her, imagining a hooded figure in a black cloak and a scythe identical to his. He knew that just as he saw an image of her standing still, cloaked, and scythe in one hand, she saw the same of him.

_:What causes you to call for me, M'lord?: _he heard her say in his mind.

_:I need you to get information on Father Time and any others like us. Who they are currently disguised as, how their powers work, and how the whole system works.:_

_:M'lord, if I may know why?:_

He nodded. :_There is an assassination plot on Father Time.:_

_:As M'lord surely knows, there is a system in place for dealing with such things.:_

_:It works differently than this power, if I remember right.:_

_:That is correct, M'lord. Father Time is quite capable of taking care of himself, but should something arise to cause his death, his powers would pass on to whoever killed him. It is not our concern.:_

He raised his head to glare at her, his eyes becoming solid blue and glowing as he did so. :_It is our concern. An evil Father Time would be disastrous.:_

She bowed her head. :_My apologies for angering you, M'lord, but a new Father Time would only be able to affect time from the moment they took up the powers. There are strict rules in place for such things.:_

_:That is exactly the kind of information I need.:_

_:When would M'lord like it done?:_

_:ASAP.:_

_:I am sorry, M'lord, but what does that mean?:_

He sighed._ :As soon as possible.:_

_:Yes, M'lord,:_ she said as she faded out.

He pictured himself back in his room dressed in his normal commando ninja gear. He felt much better feeling his mask on his face again, although his eyes still felt weird. He hated how the power tended to flare up like that. He got up, stretching as he did. He decided he would go ask permission to leave base so he could stock up on Scarlett's favorite chocolates.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Deep Six, his association with Cthulhu, and his girlfriend come from twitter.


	10. And Now You Know

**Disclaimer: **I don't own G.I Joe. We're clear on this, yes?

**Author's Note**: Again, _:italics:_ is telepathic communication.

* * *

The next morning, Snake Eyes got up early, joining Beachhead in his morning PT. He left well before any of the other Joes came out for their PT. While they, and incidentally, Scarlett, were out there, he snuck into Scarlett and Lady Jaye's room, placing a box of assorted chocolates on her pillow and a vase of red roses on her dresser. He left the room and headed for the dojo, stopping in the mess hall to grab a few pastries for breakfast.

Scarlett and Lady Jaye dragged themselves from the PT course back to their rooms. Beachhead had been unusually unmerciful this morning, not that he was ever merciful. When Scarlett opened the door, both women could smell the flowers. Scarlett stiffened and then stalked in, ignoring them. She opened up the drawers of the dresser roughly, causing the vase to dance back and forth a little. She grabbed a set of clean clothes and slammed the drawers shut.

Lady Jaye watched her friend, wondering when she would notice the chocolates. She had heard all about the argument between Scarlett and Snake Eyes yesterday while they were going over the Intel everyone had gathered. "At least he knows he messed up big time," she commented. "The flowers smell nice." Her friend continued ignoring their existence. When Scarlett turned around and noticed the chocolates, she stomped over, picked them up, and threw them onto Lady Jaye's bed. She continued on her way out of the room, slamming the door shut as she left for the showers.

Nearly a week later, she was still pissed off at Snake Eyes and the entire base knew it. She was beyond polite with him when she had to speak to him and ignored him otherwise. He had tried getting her to talk about it, but she would completely ignore what he was saying unless it was work related. If it wasn't, she would turn around and walk the other direction as soon as she saw him. He continued leaving gifts in her room, but otherwise left her alone after his one attempt to talk. He had Jinx ask Lady Jaye what she was doing them and learned she was giving them away and that the flowers were still in her room only because Lady Jaye had claimed them.

He decided today, she was going to hear him out, whether she wanted too or not. She was going through the line in the mess hall, getting breakfast. She was at the end when he came up beside her, with her customary morning coffee. She turned away from the line and bumped into him. He caught the edge of her plate, preventing the food from sliding off. She scowled at him and yanked the plate away as he offered her the coffee. She tried to move around him, but he moved with her, blocking her path. He stiffened and turned around when he felt a portal opening and she took the opportunity to pass by him. She stopped short.

The portal wasn't visible in and of itself, but the figure emerging was. The reactions of the Joes were immediate, everyone standing up, drawing weapons as they did so. By time the figure had fully emerged from the wall, there were multitudes of guns and a variety of sharp weapons aimed at it. Scarlett shoved her plate at Snake Eyes, having nowhere else to put it, and had her gun aimed at it as well. He balanced it on his forearm, freeing up one hand. It was quiet, and the sound of Snake Eyes clicking his tongue seemed loud to him. The noise attracted the attention of the nearby greenshirts. *My assistant,* he signed with one hand.

The greenshirts usually took the closest tables to the food, being exhausted by Beachhead by time they got to the mess hall and not really being able to go much further. "I'm sorry sir, but what?" one of them nervously asked. He signed again. They looked confused and muttered among themselves.

"Well! What did the damn spook say?" bellowed Beachhead, not taking his eyes or his guns off the figure.

"Sergeant Major, we think something about assistant, but we're not sure."

"Is that your assistant, Snake Eyes?" he asked.

Snake Eyes nodded.

"Yes," the same greenshirt answered out loud for him.

The assistant started walking forward as the Joes lowered their weapons and began to sit back down, muttering among themselves. Once Scarlett had put away her gun, Snake Eyes handed her the plate and the cup of coffee. She took them, but stayed where she was. His assistant took her time walking past the tables. He crossed his arms and started tapping his fingers on his upper arm. She sped up slightly and finally reached him.

*You were enjoying that* he signed as she stopped in front of him.

_:Yes, M'lord.:_

*Do you find it amusing?* He knew he wasn't.

_:M'lord, why should I not? Do you not find it amusing to have weapons pointed at you? Do you not relish the chilling feeling you give mortals as you pass by?:_

*No, I don't. Why are you here?* He signed with jerky and fast movements.

She shrugged. :_I have gathered the information you requested, M'lord. I did not think you wanted to wait another two days for it.:_

He sighed, irritated that his chance to explain things to Scarlett had just been blown. He walked out of the mess hall to go inform Hawk.

* * *

The Joes were once again in the conference room, minus Snake Eyes and his assistant. Duke sighed quietly. He wasn't sure if it was better to be sitting in the conference room discussing Intel or doing paperwork in his office. The environment was more or less the same. The conference table and the desk were the same light-colored wood and the walls were the same off-white. The only difference was the amount of Joes that could fit in each room and the possibility that maybe he wouldn't get a headache. Flint and Beachhead sniping at each other across the table was threatening that hope. He was about to tell them both to shut the hell up when Snake Eyes finally walked into the room. Snake Eyes closed the door behind him and leaned against it.

"I take it we are ready to begin?" Hawk asked.

Snake Eyes nodded.

"What about his assistant?" asked Duke.

*Already here.* Most of the Joes looked startled at that. Snake Eyes pointed to the left corner across the room where Shipwreck was standing. Normally Polly was perched on the sailor's shoulder. She was instead, perched on an annoyed Jinx, hiding behind her hair, in the opposite corner of the room. He was surprised the poor bird hadn't flown out of the room while the door was open.

*Stop hiding,* he signed to his assistant. She appeared behind the sailor and he jumped, swearing as he did so and moving away from the corner.

_:What would M'lord like to know about first?:_ she asked.

"Can we actually see who we are talking to instead of asking questions of a walking cloak?" asked Psyche Out.

_:If M'lord 'Damned Shrink' wants, I could be a floating cloak, M'lord.:_

Snake Eyes shook his head and stopped when he realized Billy was chuckling. He turned slightly to the right to sign at him. *Why are you laughing?*

Billy stopped. "I, uh, thought Psyche Out's question was funny?" Billy could feel Snake Eyes glaring at him through the visor.

_:The child can hear me, M'lord,:_ his assistant was amused.

That had Snake Eyes' attention. *What are you?*

"What do you mean?"

*You heard her. You should be dead.*

"No I didn't," said Billy.

*Just because I don't have Tommy's hearing, doesn't mean I can't tell when you are lying.*

Billy winced, giving a short bow, "Yes, Silent Master."

Snake Eyes tapped his foot. When Billy looked up, he signed *Well?*

Billy toed the ground, "It's embarrassing."

_:To be an assistant is an honor, child.:_

"Quit calling me a child! I'm an adult!"

She snorted. _:When you truly consider yourself as such-:_

*Enough,* Snake Eyes interrupted. *Billy, you will translate for those who can't hear her.*

Billy sighed. "Yes, Silent Master."

Snake Eyes turned back towards the assistant. *You can remove the cloak and start by explaining how the powers work,* he commanded.

His assistant nodded and removed the cloak, dropping it to the ground where it vanished. She stretched black wings upwards before resettling them. Snake Eyes could feel a headache coming on. He was starting to wonder if maybe he should steal some of Duke's aspirin for this. *Are the wings necessary?* he signed.

She frowned at him. :_I have not gone without them for nearly five hundred years, M'lord.:_

Snake Eyes rolled his eyes underneath the visor. *Start with basic information. How does it work?*

Billy started translating. "There are three types of powers: Eternal, Chosen, and Hereditary. The Easter Bunny is an exception in that it is both Chosen and Hereditary. Those with Eternal powers are very hard to kill, although should someone manage to kill an Eternal, they would inherit the power. Special rules are in place depending on the power. For an example, if someone were to kill Father Time, the new Father Time would only be able to affect time from that moment forward. Eternals include Mother Nature, Groundhogs, Jack Frost or Old Man Winter, and Cthulhu, among others."

"How is Cthulhu in there at all? I mean, he isn't something that has been around for hundreds of years like the others," questioned Airborne.

"That is true, but the energies that create the powers needed an outlet and recently created Cthulhu due to his popularity on the web of information. You mean the internet?" Billy interjected.

The assistant shrugged.

Billy continued. "That energy takes a long time to accumulate since most of it goes into changing the powers into what is currently popular thought. An example would be Saint Patrick. It used to be Saint. Andrew, but because of the misconception that the Irish and Scottish are the same, it changed."

"Can you tell us who the powers are? Specifically, who Father Time is?" asked Lady Jaye.

A skeleton flashed for a moment in the features of the assistant. Snake Eyes and Billy both flinched, along with several other Joes. "Ok, ok, you don't have to yell, sheesh," said Billy.

"Well, what did she say?" asked Doc after a few moments.

"She said and I quote 'You do not need the knowledge of such things'," Billy rubbed his head. "Damn that hurt," he muttered.

"So what would be some examples of Chosen or Hereditary powers?' asked Stalker.

"Chosen powers include M'lord, Cupid, Bogeyman, the Four Winds, and Tooth Fairy. Hereditary powers include the Sandman, The Man in the Moon, and St. Patrick."

"M'lord?" Scarlett asked. Several other Joes also had questioning looks on their faces.

"She means Snake Eyes. So, the Grim Reaper is a Chosen power," said Billy.

_:That should have been more than obvious.:_

*I asked her not to call me that,* Snake Eyes signed, more to Scarlett than to anyone else.

Scarlett looked over at the assistant. "So, does that make whatever you are a Chosen power as well?" she asked.

"No, the powers that serve other powers are not always the same type. The Headless Horseman works with us. Both of us are Eternal powers. The North Wind assists Jack Frost, the West Wind assists Cupid, and I'm not translating that," Billy said crossing his arms.

The assistant shrugged. _:If that is what you wish.:_

"Whatever would be simpler to say."

*Both of you knock-* Snake Eyes stopped signing mid-sentence and stiffened. Billy and the assistant were doing the same, not that anyone was paying much attention to anyone other than Snake Eyes.

"What's the matter, Snake?" asked Scarlett.

*I don't know,* he signed shakily.

"God damn motherfucking son of a cow fucker," swore Snow Job. Everyone blinked and looked at him. They weren't used to quite that kind of language coming from him.

*What is that feeling?* Snake Eyes asked Snow Job.

_:It is corruption, M'lord.:_ The assistant said, shivering.

*What?*

"Exactly what she said," snapped Snow Job.

"Someone want to stop and explain what is going on?" demanded Hawk.

"There is a balance maintained by the powers. It is being shifted in one of the worse possible ways," replied Snow Job.

"Wait, so who are you?" asked Psyche Out, pointing his pen at Snow Job.

The temperature in the room dropped. "Did someone screw with the AC again?" Dusty asked, looking around.

Snow Job ignored Psyche Out's question, focusing on Dusty's instead. "What's the matter, fifty-five to cold for you? How about we drop it to forty-seven?" The temperature dropped as he said it. Dusty and some of the other Joes started rubbing their arms and shivering. "Thirty?" asked Snow Job, grinning wickedly.

"Stop fuckin' with the temperature, damn it. It's the wrong time fer tha' shit," Beachhead scowled.

Snow Job gave a hmph and the temperature returned to a reasonable temperature of seventy degrees. Well, reasonable to most.

"Can we focus on the point at hand, people? How does the balance work?" asked Stalker.

_:There is, how do you say it? Room to worm?:_

"Do you mean wiggle room?" Billy asked, after repeating what she had said. She nodded.

"Many of the powers themselves are neutral. There is room for the bearers to be evil or good, so long as it does not go against the basic principle of the power and the rules are not broken."

"Can you tell what is happening to the balance? I mean other than it shifting. Can you tell what is wrong?" asked Psyche Out.

"Yes, Cupid is being corrupted. How do you know specifically?" asked Billy.

Snow Job snorted. "Experience. The longer you have been around, kid, the easier it is to identify the other powers."

_:I can taste the powers. The Chosen and Hereditary powers change a little, but the underlying flavor is still the same. Cupid tastes salty.:_

"Waaay too much information there, assistant lady," said Snow Job.

Snake Eyes cocked his head to the right, *How does a skeleton taste anything?*

The assistant shrugged.

"So great, we have to find Father Time and prevent Cobra from killing him and somehow find Cupid and uncorrupt him too? How the hell do you even uncorrupt something like that? Are you sure you can't tell us who these people really are?" asked Ace.

The assistant twitched and then started inspecting her nails as if they were the most fascinating thing in the world. She started picking at her pinky nail.

*You c-a-n tell us,* signed Snake Eyes.

The assistant stopped and stared at Snake Eyes with a blank expression on her face.

*Really?* Snake Eyes signed stiffly.

"What?" asked Doc.

*She can tell us if I order it.* he sighed.

"So order it and make our lives easier," growled Flint.

He gave a long sigh of annoyance and then held out his left hand as if he were holding something. The scythe appeared and there was a sharp intake of breath among the Joes. A flash of light blinded them. Snake Eyes was dressed in a robe and removing his hands from the edge of the hood by the time most of them could see again.

*Hate stupid hood,* he signed to no one in particular. The assistant snorted. He pointed at her. _:Tell us the identities.: _She put her right arm horizontally over her stomach and bowed. There was another flash of light and Snake Eyes was back in his normal gear, again.

"That's it?" Scarlett growled.

Snake Eyes snorted. *No. Not letting anyone see it, not even you.*

_:That was an excellent use of light, M'lord. What sort of magic was that?:_

*Flash bombs,* he signed, holding one up. She cocked her head to the left, curious. _:You have interesting toys, M'lord.:_

He shrugged, putting the flash bomb back. *Names.*

Billy sighed and played interpreter again. "Dr. Mindbender is a rogue Sandman, ignoring his duties completely and for the most part, his powers. When he does use them, he is very careful about doing it in such a way as to not break his rules. The Headless Horseman, who is actually a Grim Reaper who broke the rules, works as a mercenary by the name of Firefly. The Bogeyman is Cobra Commander. Yes, I agree the names are ridiculous. Anyway, Saint Patrick is Destro and the East and South Winds are Xamot and Tomax."

"Gee, it's a wonder Cobra hasn't taken over the world with so many of the big wigs on that list," said Tunnel Rat.

Snow Job, Billy, and Snake Eyes all snorted at the same time. "One of the major rules is you cannot use the powers for personal gain," said Snow Job. "Some of those powers are near useless as well. Destro turns green and can summon feasts on March 17th."

*The Headless Horseman only appears the first half of August. Vacation for me.* The assistant rolled her eyes, shaking her head slowly.

Snow Job rolled his eyes as well. "The East and South Winds are pretty useless without the other two Winds. They can call winds from their respective directions on their own."

"How likely is it for the other two Winds to join them?" asked Hawk.

Snow Job eyeballed Beachhead. "The West Wind changes sides pretty often The North Wind is severely unlikely to join them. It would be awfully hard to force him to do anything. He is one stubborn asshole."

"What about the others you mentioned? Who are they?"

"There are several among you besides the - I told you I'm not translating that," said Billy.

"Obviously, Snake Eyes is the Grim Reaper. She says Billy is a Groundhog. Beachhead is the North Wind, and I am Jack Frost, at your service," said Snow Job.

"Or Old Man Winter," grumbled Billy.

"Depends on how I feel at the time, kid," Snow Job said, shrugging.

"What about the others? Mother Nature, the Easter Bunny, Father Time, and such?" asked Psyche Out.

"Father Time is... You are fucking kidding me, right? Colton, seriously?" asked Snow Job.

*You said the West Wind changes sides-*

"Is the West Wind Tommy?" Jinx interrupted. Snake Eyes glared at her. The assistant shook her head no.

"But he is something right?"

The assistant hesitated before nodding yes.

"Well, what the hell is he, then? Quit stringing us along!" Jinx shouted.

The assistant closed her eyes briefly and then jumped on the table. She ran towards Snake Eyes, the cloak materializing around her and the scythe in her hand as she did so. She missed slamming into him when he moved aside, but she managed to snag his arm, barely, and they both disappeared into the wall as she pulled them through a portal. They came out at the crossroads with Snake Eyes in Grim Reaper form.

_:Forgive me, M'Lord, but I do not wish for the others to hear what I have to say next.:_

He nodded for her to continue, eyes slightly aglow.

_:Storm Shadow is Cupid. The West Wind serves as an assistant along with his cherubs and as such, when he switches sides, they follow. You must remove the corruption quickly.:_

_:How?:_

The assistant sighed. :_Have you not read the manual, M'lord?:_

_:I don't have time to read much and it's hard to work through. Wasn't written in modern English.: _He thought for a moment. :_If I could, I would give it to Scarlett, she might enjoy deciphering it.:_

_:M'lord! You cannot give-:_

_:I know. How do I remove the corruption?:_ he interrupted.

_:By focusing on the corruption as you reap it, M'lord.:_

_:Could... I remove the brainwashing as well?:_

_:Brainwashing? I do not understand, but you can remove many things by concentrating on them as you reap. Memories, corruption, and illness, among other things, so long as it falls within the rules, M'lord.:_

_:Good. Go get caught back up on work.:_

She nodded as he disappeared. He reappeared back in the conference room.

"Welcome back, what did she have to say?" asked Snow Job.

*Told me how to uncorrupt Cupid.*

"Did she tell you anything about Storm Shadow?" asked Stalker, while Jinx asked "What about Tommy?"

*No, but uncorrupting Cupid is a trade secret. She didn't want others hearing it.* He hated lying to them, but figured Tommy probably didn't want everyone knowing.

"Our main objective is still Father Time, people. I'm adding Cupid as a secondary objective. Duke, pick out a team to go with us to Colton's house," Hawk ordered.

"Yes, Sir."

* * *

**Author's Note**: Oh my, that's a lot of 'magical people' gathered on either side of the battlefield. Did anyone guess who any of these were going to be? I didn't give you much, I know, but there was a hint before to Cupid in 'Serious Eats'. The original dream had Snake Eyes as cupid and no Storm Shadow was in it at all. This was not acceptable to me awake. I mean, Tommy is charming, has that spiffy hearing, and is an expert with what? Uh huh. It's just more logical in my mind for him to be Cupid than someone who wields a Uzi, can't speak, and was/is somewhat awkward around women. Sorry Snake Eyes, but allow me to offer a consolation prize of being the Grim Reaper instead.


	11. Battle For Time

**Disclaimer:** Don't own G.I Joe! Just a crazy dream!

**Author's Note:** Plain _italics_ are another language. _:italics: _is telepathic communication.

* * *

Night had fallen while they were driving to Colton's house. They were just a few blocks away when Snake Eyes saw Storm Shadow standing on the steel frame of an office type building in mid-construction nearby. The jeep slowed to make a turn and he took the opportunity to jump out of the jeep. He ran towards the building and when he got to it, he started climbing up the girders, dodging shurikens Storm Shadow was throwing at him the entire way. He got to the top, dodged one last shuriken while he pulled out his ninjato, and launched himself towards Storm Shadow. Storm Shadow had also unsheathed his ninjato after throwing the last shuriken and met Snake Eyes halfway.

They traded blows, the metal of their swords screeching each time the blades slid off each other. Storm Shadow managed to draw first blood, catching Snake Eyes on the upper right arm with a shallow cut. Snake Eyes concentrated on pushing Storm Shadow towards one of the corners of the building. He sliced at Storm Shadow's knee, catching cloth and ripping through it, but not doing any damage. He ducked Storm Shadow's return slash and swept his leg out. Storm Shadow back flipped to avoid it.

Unbeknownst to either man, Firefly watched their fight from a nearby alley. He didn't think Storm Shadow was going to fare any better than usual, so he had come prepared. He looked forward to holding the fact that he was the one who killed Snake Eyes over the brain-dead ninja. Not to mention the extra money Cobra Commander would be paying for the death of the long-feared ninja. He lifted up a loaded RPG launcher and aimed for Snake Eyes. A scythe blocked his view and he lowered the weapon to look at the owner of the scythe.

_:Horseman, you will not interfere with their fight.:_

"Well isn't that nice, standing up for your precious Grim Reaper. Isn't it against the rules to interfere when it someone's time to die?"

_:It is not his time.:_

"I say it is." Firefly whipped the RPG up and pressed the trigger, causing a rocket to launch directly at the assistant. Both disappeared inside the building. He loaded another rocket, aimed again for Snake Eyes and pulled the trigger. The rocket launched with a hiss and was halfway to its target when a thrown scythe diverted it, knocking it off course. He dropped the launcher and pulled out a gun, looking around. He found himself being wrenched around and slammed onto his back, gun skittering away from him on the pavement.

"Now why couldn't you have been blonde haired and blue-eyed when I was the Reaper?" he sneered.

_:You know they change depending on the current Grim Reaper.:_

"You could have changed them. I might have liked you better that way. Maybe could have had a bit of fun," he smirked.

She gave him a look of disgust. :_Your version of fun is breaking the rules. I do not find that fun.:_

"Your loss, sweetheart."

The two ninja brothers continued fighting, ignoring the passing missile. Snake Eyes had finally been able to force Storm Shadow into his current position on the corner of the structure. He blocked Storm Shadow's right sword with his left, ducked the swipe from the other sword and thrust his at Storm Shadow's stomach. Storm Shadow jumped backwards, avoiding the sword. He fell and Snake Eyes took a few steps to look over the edge. He back flipped, narrowly missed having his head sliced in half as powerful white wings pushed Storm Shadow upwards. Storm Shadow stalled for a moment and then swooped down, aiming for Snake Eyes' head. Snake Eyes flipped off the structure, grabbing the lower portion of the steel beam and swinging back up the other side, catching Storm Shadow in the chest with a kick. The man was only pushed upwards and Snake Eyes was forced to roll, dodging his next sword strike.

Storm Shadow landed on the beam and came at Snake Eyes, swinging faster and stronger than before. He pushed Snake Eyes back and one of Snake Eyes' ninjato snapped near the hilt. He dropped the useless sword and it clanged, hitting a beam as it fell. He bent over backwards as far as he could to avoid another swing aimed for his neck and when he came back up, he fired the gun he had pulled from his boot. Snake Eyes was surprised as Storm Shadow deflected an entire clip's worth of bullets. Storm Shadow came swinging at him again, and Snake Eyes made the last backward step he could. Storm Shadow had reversed the tables on him.

Storm Shadow grinned under his mask. He would finally kill the black bastard and make his master happy. He sliced towards Snake Eyes, intending on gutting him. Snake Eyes jumped backwards and Storm Shadow peered over the edge. He gave a howl of frustration when he saw his opponent, not falling to the ground, but flying. He launched himself at his target, but the bastard disappeared. He felt something behind him and tried to turn around when something else passed through his head and everything went black.

Storm Shadow's wings disappeared in a flurry of white feathers when he lost consciousness. Snake Eyes caught him as he started to fall and slowly flew them both down to the ground. He landed and turned suddenly, holding the scythe defensively as two figures moved out of the shadows. He cocked his head when he saw Firefly being shoved forward by his assistant, screaming obscenities at her.

_:What are you doing here?:_

_:Working, M'lord.:_

Storm Shadow groaned and put his hand on his head, "_Whuz... Whaz goin' on?_"

* * *

They pulled up and stopped on the corner of the road half a block away from Colton's house at an unfenced front yard with a large tree in the middle. The Joes got out and waited for orders.

"Alright, people, we will set up base here. I want Snake... Where's Snake Eyes?" Hawk demanded. Several people shrugged. "God damn it. I want Scarlett and Beachhead to go in and secure Colton. The rest of us will split up and secure the perimeter. Half of you go with Duke, the other half with me. Move out."

"Sir!" the Joes saluted.

Both Scarlett and Beachhead started running for Colton's house. They reached the front yard and ducked down, moving quickly to the front door. The other two groups moved into the yard and split up, each going around the sides of the house. Beachhead was about to knock down the door when someone shouted "Incoming!" He felt himself being grabbed by something and dragged, but before he could do more than twist around a little, he was let go of and behind one of the jeeps. Scarlett was beside him the next instant and other Joes started appearing, all with bewildered looks on their faces. It didn't last for long.

Several bullets started pinging off the vehicles. One of the greenshirts wiggled underneath one and then wiggled back out. "Sergeant Major, Cobra is attacking!"

"Yeah, Ah already figured tha' out." He popped up and started firing his gun over the hood of the jeep.

"Is everyone accounted for?" yelled Duke over the noise.

"I don't see Tun- Never mind, he just appeared," shouted Stalker.

"Snake's still missing and we never got to Colton!" shouted Scarlett.

There was a loud boom and the ground shook. Both sides stopped shooting for a brief moment and looked at Colton's house. Or rather, half the house. There was another explosion that engulfed the rest, flames and black smoke pouring out of the remaining openings. Cobra cheered and then resumed firing on the Joes.

By time the two ninjas, the assistant, and a still swearing Firefly arrived at the base, the fighting was over. The vipers were dead, the sounds of emergency vehicles were drawing near, and Lifeline was attending to the injured. The assistant roughly shoved Firefly at some of the Joes and they quickly put him under guard. She followed Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow as they went to where Lifeline was, working under the tree. Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow stopped, but the assistant walked over to one of the greenshirts. Lifeline finished bandaging Tunnel Rat's arm and hurried over.

"Lifeline's arguin' with whuzzit about giving 'im a chance," Storm Shadow slurred.

Snake Eyes nodded, not surprised the medic was arguing. It was his job to try to save lives, after all. Hawk walked up behind the two ninja and put his hand on Snake Eyes' shoulder. Snake Eyes shook his head and Hawk patted him twice before moving on.

The assistant listened to what the medic had to say while she was watching the greenshirt. He was trying very, very hard to convince her to let his patient live. She kneeled down at the greenshirt's side, so they were face to face.

"I don't want to die," he whispered.

_:I know.:_

"When does it stop hurting?" he said, his head dropping.

She stood up, changing into a skeleton, scythe and robe materializing around her. She cut down with the scythe, passing it through his body and cutting his soul free from it. The body gave a last breath before dying and the soul drifted up nearby as a softly glowing ball of light.

_:Do I have to go? Can I stay here? Can I be like you? Death need's more assistants, right? I want to be able to do what you do. I-:_

_:Only the Grim Reaper is actually alive,:_ she interrupted, looking over at Snake Eyes. He nodded. :_We will allow you to try it out for a week, IF you follow all of the rules,:_ she said as they both faded and disappeared.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the late update. The week sort of got away from me. I keep thinking it's early in the week and it's Thursday (I haven't gone to sleep yet, so it's still Thursday to me). RPG is a rocket-propelled grenade. One more chapter after this! There is a pun in what Firefly says. Free internet cookie to anyone who can guess what it is. ^.^


	12. Assistants Are Like Cats

**Disclaimer:** As per usual, I do not own G.I. Joe. I only do this for my own enjoyment (okay, maybe for others, too).

* * *

Duke walked into the conference room, being one of the last ones to arrive for the debriefing. He found a spot along the wall and took a couple of aspirin along with a mouthful of coffee to wash it down. They had come back to find the base being attacked by a large force of Cobra Vipers and B.A.T.s. The building itself looked worse for wear, but the Joes inside had kept the invasion stymied at the motorpool. Someone had decided to use some of the tanks to corral groups of the invaders that the ninja apprentices and some of the other Joes were outright slaughtering. In another area of the motorpool, a jeep had gone out in a blaze of glory; its remains still smoking as it sat among the ruins of enemy bodies.

Once they joined the battle, it became a rout with only a few Vipers making it out. Faced with an extremely pissed off Storm Shadow, most of the Vipers had panicked, running for other exits. The Joes had needed to scramble like mad to get those exits covered, but once they did, the remaining Vipers pretty much surrendered. It had been a good way to let out some of the frustration after the failed mission.

The very last of the Joes came in and Hawk called the debriefing to order. Since most of them had been there when Colton's house had blown up, there wasn't much to say about it. There was a report that a rocket had been responsible for its destruction. Hawk called on Storm Shadow next.

"Wait, shouldn't he be in the infirmary getting that chip thingy removed?" questioned Ripcord. Some of the others nodded their heads in agreement.

"Already done. I would have preferred if Doc had removed it instead of having that scythe pass through my head, brother," Storm Shadow said, grinning.

Snake Eyes shrugged. *Better than the alternative.*

"Going back to Cobra? Any day." Tommy turned his attention to the room. "What started this whole thing with Father Time was Mindbender," he said, spitting out the last word. "He found out in one of our ... little sessions about my side job and decided to distract Cobra Commander while he changed the programming. He has steadily increased it towards making me use those connections to cause destruction and chaos."

"Why? I mean, it isn't as if you can't cause enough destruction and chaos on your own," asked Dusty.

"Why don't you just tell us what you are? We already know about everyone else," Lowlight asked, frowning.

"Why would I want to do that? Being a hermit might suit Snake Eyes, it isn't how I want to live," Tommy said, smirking. "As for why it was being changed, I'm not su-" he paused and looked like he was listening to something. "Ah, most helpful, thank you," he said to the air. "Apparently that fool of a doctor thought having his foul creation come in and "save the world" from a rampaging monster, namely me, would help his royal Insaneness take over the world. And, once the balance was thrown off, Mindbender would then be able to use his powers without having to deal with his rules."

"What was that?" asked Stalker.

"What?"

"How did you suddenly know?"

"Snake Eyes isn't the only one with assistants," Tommy said, smirking.

*I could use a small army of assistants like yours.*

"Mine, brother, get your own."

Snake Eyes sighed.

"Anyways, the Commander actually finding Father Time was unexpected. That dead-man-walking doctor decided that it would be an excellent time to start his plan in motion and suggested to the Commander to send me out to make sure Zartan killed Colton."

"Why Zartan? Why not go himself?" questioned Lady Jaye.

"Cobra Commander already has a power. Can't have two of 'em," said Beachhead as Snow Job nodded.

"The rest is just the same old story. Snake Eyes found me, we fought, he won. I think my skills are dumbed down with the rest of me when I'm like that. It's the only reason I can think of for you to win so often, brother."

Snake Eyes snorted, punching Storm Shadow lightly in the shoulder. *You wish.*

"I know you're happy being back and all, man, but could you tone it down. The whole bunch of you are like a pack of fuckin' puppies. We failed today! Colton is dead and so is Norris!"

Duke took another sip of coffee, considering what Ripcord had said. As soon as Jinx had seen Storm Shadow in the motorpool, she had run up to him and given him a hug, getting Viper blood all over him. Neither Billy nor Storm Shadow could seem to stop grinning as they caught up and made plans for more training and even Snake Eyes seemed happier. Only Kamakura was really acting the same as before. Duke knew he was happy Storm Shadow was back, but that he was still blaming himself for Storm Shadow's capture.

There was a knock on the door, interrupting Duke's thoughts as well as further conversation. It opened and General Colton walked through. He closed the door behind him and surveyed the room, only seeing two soldiers saluting him. "Well?" he barked. The stunned soldiers quickly regained composure and saluted. He surveyed the room once again. "Much better. At ease." The soldiers relaxed once more.

"How...I mean...what... but... I saw you in the house when it blew up! Sir," sputtered Tunnel Rat.

"I was, until the second before it blew up. You'd be amazed how fast you can move when you slow time down."

"But, don't you have rules about that?" questioned Clutch.

"I think I have been around long enough to know what I can and can't do, soldier," Colton said, narrowing his eyes. "Continue with the debriefing, General Hawk."

"Yes, Sir! Pleasure to know you're still among the living, although I suspect at least one of us already knew you were still alive" said Hawk, grinning.

"Ah, the Grim Reaper is here, somewhere, yes?" Snake Eyes nodded and several people pointed to him. Colton nodded at him. "You already knew it wasn't my time. Death is always timely."

Snake Eyes nodded.

"Does that mean you know when you are going to die, Sir? I mean, some of the things we researched say you have connections with death," asked Breaker.

"No. I got a headache from hell the last time I tried to find out."

Snake Eyes snorted.

"I was booted from the crossroads and told to take care of my own business. Just as well. No one really needs to know when their time is up until it happens. Not even me."

"Is it true you're the spokesman for 2000 flushes, Sir?" Heads whipped around looking for the source of the question.

The general scowled. "God damn internet," he raised his voice. "No, I have never been the spokesman for anything. Next person to bring it up gets a month of extra PT! Get back on track."

Storm Shadow continued, "After Snake Eyes removed the programming and the chip, things get a little fuzzy for me."

*I helped Tommy back to base.*

"And we got to see... Just what the hell did we see?" asked Stalker.

"Death doing its job. It'll be the only time you see it and live," stated Snow Job.

"I don't know why you couldn't just look the other way and let Norris live. Or any of those that have died since you've been the boss of death, Snake Eyes," blurted out Clutch.

"It's been explained!" shouted Snow Job.

"Then what good is it, having that kind of power? What's the benefit?"

*Benefit? I was chosen because I can do the job regardless of how I feel about it.*

"Even if it was Scarlett?" Clutch questioned.

"Enough!" Snake Eyes lifted his hands to sign. "No, don't even answer that question, Snake Eyes," Hawk glared at Clutch.

"I can guarantee when anyone close to Snake Eyes dies, he will be as shocked as everyone else. His assistant...assistants? Whatever, but they would be the ones handling that sort of thing. Similar to my assistants dealing with my... account." said Storm Shadow, glaring at Clutch.

"Do you know what the punishment would be if Snake Eyes were to do what you asked?" asked Colton.

"No, Sir, but it can't be as bad as letting good people die. I don't even know why I'm having this argument and not Beachhead!"

"Because Ah know if Snake Eyes could do something, he would. Ah can't believe you're this stupid."

"What?!"

"You mus' be. How many times has he taken injury because he's lookin' out for his teammates? Ever notice how them injuries don't jus' magically heal themselves?"

"But-"

Colton interrupted Beachhead and Clutch's argument. "Secure it, soldier! The punishment for misusing the powers is eternal servitude to that power. Do you really want Snake Eyes to end up like Firefly? It would only take one time."

"Doesn't seem like Firefly got such a bad deal," Clutch grumbled.

"Firefly is living out the rest of his mortal life with partial servitude. Once he dies, his real punishment starts. His soul will never again join the cycle."

* * *

Hours after the debriefing and thoroughly being poked and prodded by Lifeline and Doc found Tommy wearily walking to his room to get some much-needed rest. It would have been longer, since the shrink had tried to ambush him. He mentioned to Psyche Out and that he was too tired to play mind games. The shrink had gone paper lily-white before suggesting they continue later. It might also have had something to do with Tommy pulling out a shuriken and running his thumb along the edge before looking back at Psyche Out and smirking evilly. He was just about to open his door when Snake Eyes poked his head out of his own and then snapped his fingers.

"What can I do for you that can't wait until I wake up, brother?" he asked, turning around to face Snake Eyes.

*I need help with Scarlett.*

Tommy shook his head. "What did you do to piss her off this time?"

*She wants to see it.*

"What, the Grim Reaper thing?" Tommy shrugged. "So, show it to her then."

*You're not being helpful.*

"You want her to stop being mad at you, then that's my best advice."

*As Cupid or Tommy?*

"Both. One of the reasons I got this gig was because of my charm," Tommy waggled both eyebrows at Snake Eyes.

Snake Eyes sighed loudly. *Not h-e-l-p-f-u-l.*

"Look, Red loves you, regardless of what you look like."

_:Soul mates?:_

Tommy reached for one of his many hidden knives. "Who's there?"

*Assistant. Apparently, she finds what I do here f-a-s-c-i-n-a-t-i-n-g. Keeps listening in randomly.* he tilted his head, looking towards the ceiling. *Get back to work.*

_:RTFM:_

*And now loves acronyms. W-A-B-M*

"Why is she doing Cupid's job?"

_:Apologies, M'lord Cupid.:_

Snake Eyes heaved another loud sigh. *Fine.*


End file.
